I think recently I've realized that I'm not at 70% mental health like I thought, but I'm actually at like 10% and I've been lying to myself that I'm at 70%. I've been suffering from horrible anxiety lately that revolves around having no money and undiagnosed mental health problems, but "freaking out and skipping work" is not a winning strategy tbh. I've been trying to take "baby steps" as advised by some wonderful comrades, and so I:
- Ate food
- Negotiated paying one bill late
- Signed up for a "free" clinic appointment (there are out of pocket fees, but maybe I can show them my bank account lol) until I can figure out getting healthcare of some kind
But for now, I'm simply going to be short on bills because I've missed work and don't get PTO. Literally any amount helps because I think I'm like 75c short of my water bill which hits tomorrow.
I only have cashapp, $ghostsburner, but if I can figure out how to not doxx myself with paypal or venmo then I'll add those too. Thanks so much for y'alls support in general
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It sucks because I know it could be worse, I've lived through worse and I have to walk by a homeless camp ever day to work like a too-on-the-nose reminder of what will happen if I ever stop working no matter how bad things get. It's dehumanizing, it wears down on the fucking soul and I think a lot of people, even in leftie spaces, really do not get quite how low it can get. Because think about it. Whose stories do you hear about? It's always the people who were in a rough spot, but hey y'know what they dug themselves out eventually with hard work and a will to survive! But why don't you ever hear about the people who didn't make it out? Oh. Right. They're not around to tell their story.
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