-Abstract-
These "bottom of the barrel" indie mobile phone games don't HAVE to be terrible! This one is more of an outlier.
Most of them are just "okay". Many of the minecraft clones fall into this.
But sometimes you get a dev thats both from the nazi shitfest that is Ukraine, doesn't release literal TRASH, and gets BETTER over time! Yep, I'm talking about Avelog!
Granted, Avelog's games are also ad ridden, but they atleast have engaging gameplay, and arn't riddled with object collision based glitches.
In this """"review"""" I'll actually be referencing Avelog's Mouse Simulator, as I suspect this game takes """"inspiration"""" from the original.
Oh boy, where do we start?
The "start screen" is the scene of a beach with a rat on a rock, constantly twerking and slowly rotating clockwise.
Next up is the skin selection screen, with our skin options being:
-Dark gray demon rat
-Jeff, the party man
-Susan, who has unfortunately lost her texture at home and is now a pitch black obelisk
-The man with the plan
Already, we appear to be taking the skin player models from Avelog's Mouse Simulator, rendering them on a Voodoo 3dfx, bringing them BACK into the world of OpenGL, and stretching them out.
All four are fucking HIDEOUS!
But, whatever. Lets keep going.
So apparently this is some sort of flash game level thing? What? This is a supposed simulator! Why isn't it an open world thing?
We have 18 levels of flaming fuckness to play through. All have an objective and a time limit. Yes. A time limit. Because FUCK YOU!
The level loading screen has a Ratata from Pokemon, and the game plays that god AWFUL music you find in those content farm videos on youtube. It's also on full blast and loops in an unnatural manner. Also, the sound settings dialog softlocks the game and doesn't save.
Like, come ON! If your game is going to do copyright infringement, atleast make the game decent! Fuck...
The controls are ass, the graphics look like ass (And are still intensive enough to heat the iphone up (Yes, you android users lucked out this time! This gem is an App Store exclusive!), so it looks like a PS2 game and STILL drains your battery.), the map is some strange mish-mash that makes NO sense, and there are multiple points in the map where: there are no textures, holes in the collision planes on the mountains where you can conveniently walk out of bounds, get stuck in crap, you just casually jump off the edge of the world;
The "jump off the edge of the world" was, legit, the FIRST thing I did first time. I genuinely had NO idea what to do and decided to see if that was possible.
But it's not just YOU that can disobey the laws of physics! Conveniently the enemies that you have to kill can phase though solid matter where you can't reach them! Did I mention the time limit?
A few levels have the insides of a house (no, JUST the inside! Yes, it looks just as ugly as you could imagine!) half-assedly placed in the map, complete with weeds clipping through the floor.
After each level the game loads a full screen video ad (thank GOD for DNSCloak!), the pause menu has a place with ads, you can only heal using coins for most levels.
And the best part? The past few levels are the same "Run around the map and frantically tap attack at the enemies BITCH" material. No, it is NOT engaging. Infact, its more tedious and annoying then washing the dishes.
Now how does the source material compare?
Mouse Simulator: Open world map, you go, collect shit, level up, get laid and have children, and build stuff (statues that give the player perks).
Its shallow, ad riddled, and the insomnia mechanic is 100% just a way to get the player to see more ads, but its INFINITELY more engaging then this CRAP.
Hell, there are multiple reviews of people that put serious hours into it!
Personally, I've actually completed the game multiple times, found nifty thinks like getting ontop of the TV stand and climbing walls, decompiled it, gave it a good wack using Game Gardian, and even was inspired to create Mouse Simulator 2D. All because I genuinely ENJOY the game!
In conclusion: FUCK this game, fuck it to HELL, and go play Avelog's stuff instead. Just, make sure you have DNSCloak installed and running.
"Jerry Mouse Rat Life Simulator"
-Abstract- These "bottom of the barrel" indie mobile phone games don't HAVE to be terrible! This one is more of an outlier.
Most of them are just "okay". Many of the minecraft clones fall into this.
But sometimes you get a dev thats both from the nazi shitfest that is Ukraine, doesn't release literal TRASH, and gets BETTER over time! Yep, I'm talking about Avelog!
Granted, Avelog's games are also ad ridden, but they atleast have engaging gameplay, and arn't riddled with object collision based glitches.
In this """"review"""" I'll actually be referencing Avelog's Mouse Simulator, as I suspect this game takes """"inspiration"""" from the original.
Oh boy, where do we start?
The "start screen" is the scene of a beach with a rat on a rock, constantly twerking and slowly rotating clockwise.
Next up is the skin selection screen, with our skin options being:
-Dark gray demon rat -Jeff, the party man -Susan, who has unfortunately lost her texture at home and is now a pitch black obelisk -The man with the plan
Already, we appear to be taking the skin player models from Avelog's Mouse Simulator, rendering them on a Voodoo 3dfx, bringing them BACK into the world of OpenGL, and stretching them out.
All four are fucking HIDEOUS!
But, whatever. Lets keep going.
So apparently this is some sort of flash game level thing? What? This is a supposed simulator! Why isn't it an open world thing?
We have 18 levels of flaming fuckness to play through. All have an objective and a time limit. Yes. A time limit. Because FUCK YOU!
The level loading screen has a Ratata from Pokemon, and the game plays that god AWFUL music you find in those content farm videos on youtube. It's also on full blast and loops in an unnatural manner. Also, the sound settings dialog softlocks the game and doesn't save.
Like, come ON! If your game is going to do copyright infringement, atleast make the game decent! Fuck...
The controls are ass, the graphics look like ass (And are still intensive enough to heat the iphone up (Yes, you android users lucked out this time! This gem is an App Store exclusive!), so it looks like a PS2 game and STILL drains your battery.), the map is some strange mish-mash that makes NO sense, and there are multiple points in the map where: there are no textures, holes in the collision planes on the mountains where you can conveniently walk out of bounds, get stuck in crap, you just casually jump off the edge of the world;
The "jump off the edge of the world" was, legit, the FIRST thing I did first time. I genuinely had NO idea what to do and decided to see if that was possible.
But it's not just YOU that can disobey the laws of physics! Conveniently the enemies that you have to kill can phase though solid matter where you can't reach them! Did I mention the time limit?
A few levels have the insides of a house (no, JUST the inside! Yes, it looks just as ugly as you could imagine!) half-assedly placed in the map, complete with weeds clipping through the floor.
After each level the game loads a full screen video ad (thank GOD for DNSCloak!), the pause menu has a place with ads, you can only heal using coins for most levels.
And the best part? The past few levels are the same "Run around the map and frantically tap attack at the enemies BITCH" material. No, it is NOT engaging. Infact, its more tedious and annoying then washing the dishes.
Now how does the source material compare?
Mouse Simulator: Open world map, you go, collect shit, level up, get laid and have children, and build stuff (statues that give the player perks).
Its shallow, ad riddled, and the insomnia mechanic is 100% just a way to get the player to see more ads, but its INFINITELY more engaging then this CRAP.
Hell, there are multiple reviews of people that put serious hours into it!
Personally, I've actually completed the game multiple times, found nifty thinks like getting ontop of the TV stand and climbing walls, decompiled it, gave it a good wack using Game Gardian, and even was inspired to create Mouse Simulator 2D. All because I genuinely ENJOY the game!
In conclusion: FUCK this game, fuck it to HELL, and go play Avelog's stuff instead. Just, make sure you have DNSCloak installed and running.