I'm in a bit of a doomer mood tbh. Left wing movements are at least gaining some traction where I am but they are far from principled MLs. As much as I like my own party, which even started as a ML movement, I believe we are really far away from returning to our roots. And as much as I appreciate my comrades doing their work, the liberal brain rot can still be strong. I especially feel like walking on egg shells when it comes to showing support for countries like China, DPRK, etc.
And I don't even want to begin on the naive attitude towards the rise of the far right and possible violence lol.
Few thoughts on this:
I think it's normal to have doubts in any endeavor. It means you're reflecting on the state of things, not just going on autopilot. Which can be an opportunity to evaluate where things are at, how you're doing within it, how others are doing, if there's anything you think needs doing differently and if so, how to go about it.
Pulling people over to ML theory and practice within countries that have a conscious awareness of it and vilify it in any way they can is undoubtedly challenging at times, but not impossible. You're working within a party, so you have a vehicle for getting people into practice, something that those who are just trying to persuade in an online space, for example, don't have, so that's already a plus. And you have a means with which to deliver information in an organized way. If you're concerned that things are being watered down too much in the process of growing the party, maybe there are ways you could help organize a revitalization of principles. I can't pretend to suggest specifics here on a context I know nothing about, but point I'm getting at is, there may be organized things you can do to push back against watering down while keeping the movement strong.
Although I understand co-opting of movements and parties is a real concern, even when you're not pulling people all the way over to being principled MLs, you're still pulling them further from the cliff of the far right. And in the global fight against imperialism and its consequences, I would say that's better than having no sway over them at all. Maybe it'll take more imperialized countries liberating from the empire in order to weaken its hold at home, but even if it does, you can still be building and working toward the right conditions for a tipping point.
Final thought: it's normal to be down sometimes and healthy to recognize it and process it. Moods come and go, but the struggle goes on. Kudos to you for the work you're doing.