I had the same conflict as you as a teacher, but didn't have the framework to practice it and still provide a supportive, safe environment. Not any one good book to recommend but the 'Love and Logic' teaching and parenting philosophy has been helpful for me. It gave me the tools to create structure and boundaries without having to rely on 'discipline' as such. The basic idea is to provide structured choices to children to get them used to autonomy and empowerment while still guiding them as is appropriate in the parent-child or teacher-child relationship. It de-emphasizes rigid codes of behavior and promotes living within ethical norms. i.e. rather than 'children should be seen and not heard', 'don't speak over others'.

Too very wee-woo utopian sources that I liked were Summerhill by Alexander Neill about an experimental school with full democracy and optional lessons, and the SRSLY WRONG Podcast episodes 262, 263, 265, 266, 269. 265 being the most broad introduction to the subject two comfortable white boys can give.