Or maybe snake oil is the wrong term. I don’t know if there’s a term for someone who warns others and they never listen, because it seems no matter how much you break into buildings and expose the flaws, hack a bank’s transaction, or infiltrate a database, the company will thank you, pay you a few hundred thousand dollars, then do nothing to change.

Essentially it just seems like I’m helping big companies bypass regulations by rubber stamping their pinky promises to change. I guess internal security auditing might be a little better, but I don’t know

  • Frank [he/him, he/him]
    ·
    1 year ago

    The list of lists I'm on is starting to turn to become a data management hassle for the feds.

    Also; Remember kids - Don't spend the money! Bank robbers get caught because they 1.) talk about it 2.) buy shit they conspiciously should not be buying and 3.) they rob two banks

    Don't talk about it. Ever. Not to your priest, not to your wife, not to your FBI handler. Don't tlak about it. Don't allude to it. Don't ever mention it to anyone in any way ever.

    Don't buy stupid shit. Ideally do not buy anything. Bury your cash somewhere. Back in the day you'd literally bury it in a mine but idk how electronic monopoly money works these days so i don't know. But the important thing is to leave that money alone for 10-20 years, and then when you do start to spend it you spend it on little stuff a little at a time. Like you stole 120,000,000 dollars? Great, practically? You're going to spend an extra maybe 10-15k a year, after your 10-20 year wait is over. And only if you've got a job that can sorta-kinda justify it enough that you don't get audited. No buying houses for your gran, no buying fancy cars, no buying crates of... well, actually, if you're buying crates of missiles you're probably not going to live long enough to worry about the financial crimes guys catching you. But the second way you get caught is if you spend the money in ways that stand out and raise eyebrows

    Third - Don't rob two banks. Rob one bank, then never rob a bank again. People get caught because they do the same thing twice, or the feds get two okay pictures of your face, or whatever. I mean. 90% of the time you get caught because someone told their boyfriend about the heist, and 9% of the time it's because you bought everyone in your family tree a condo, and 1% of the time it's because cops actually did something resembling detective worked and associated your picture with a van rental in the next town over, but that 1% was a doozy.

    Thank you for reading Uncle Frank's "Don't get caught" primer. Remember; Don't let them take you alive or they will make you rat on your comrades.