Me and my girlfriend pretty often have heated but respectful political discussions and recently we were discussing Stalin. She thinks that he was awful, mainly because of repressions, cult of personality etc.
When I say that repressions were actually good and Stalin didn't kill enough fuckers, she gets a little angry, but I can't seem to explain my position in great detail because of lack of knowledge.
In the case of the cult of personality, I say that Stalin WAS loved by the majority of soviet citizens because he did a shit ton of good for them, but she still doesn't quite get it.
What arguments would you suggest to use, or maybe something to read in order to deepen my knowledge on the topic?
Most of the time you're not going to reach someone with shock value statements, even if they're true. We all have to learn to be a bit more diplomatic about this if we want to convince people rather than just drawing a line in the sand and saying "this is where i stand, and if you're not with me, you're against me". That only reinforces divisions and isolates you rather than win people over to your side.
In general there is no one-size-fits-all approach and you have to adapt the way you go about convincing people depending on the personality but also the level of (mis-)education of your interlocutor. Some people respond better to certain approaches than others. Some may need a lighter touch, others more hand-holding.
In some cases they may need to first form a basic foundation of historical knowledge and at least a rudimentary materialist understanding of how the world works, while another person may be already more advanced and only need an extra push. Others may simply need you to make a connection with them and see that you understand their conditions before they are prepared to take in what you have to say.
Perhaps in this case you may want to try a more dry and dispassionate approach of just presenting facts without overly ideological language or value statements. You want to guide the conversation but allow people space to draw their own conclusions, to feel like you didn't push your viewpoint onto them but that they independently arrived there.
And maybe, in some cases, certain arguments are not really that important to have at this time. Is it really that essential that everyone have the same view of Stalin that we do? What exactly are we really trying to achieve? Shouldn't we focus on things that really matter for the most immediate struggles first? And then later when they are more advanced and interested in diving deeper into theory and history we can have those discussions.
No no, don't get me wrong, I totally get it. While I think that the statement is true, it's not the only way I tried to explain my position. Like I said, we are having respectful discussions with one another and I try to not be overly emotional. It's very important to find a nicer footing in the dialogue in order to convey your thoughts more clearly.
I would suggest that if they are really interested in the subject they should start by reading some of the literature that the other comments have recommended. That's quite a significant time investment though and not everyone will be interested in doing that. But there's no magic phrase that you can say that will cause someone to immediately unlearn all the miseducation on this subject that they have been exposed to throughout their life.
The next best thing maybe is to just get people to start asking questions. Where does this narrative about Stalin come from and how can you trust a narrative that comes from the very interests that stand to benefit the most from discrediting communism and its leaders? And what are the people on the other side of this issue saying, how did people at the time who had a different view of Stalin than that which is now taught in the West feel? Isn't it important to hear both sides out?
But there's also a question that you should ask yourself, and that is: is this really that important of a battle to be fighting right now and why? What exactly is it about this debate that makes it relevant to our struggles today and is this the best use of your time? For me this was always a fascinating subject because i was always interested in history. But for someone else maybe you need to find other things that appeal to them in order to have them learn about communism.