I love Wing Chun. I think out of all the Chinese martial arts it's probably got the most applications an average person could use. I like that it was geared towards the poor to learn self-defense and to train it all you need is a small space and a dummy. Even people out of shape can do it, I believe Sammo Hung trained in it and he's a big dude.
Second love is Mantis Kung Fu, it's just so goofy and it's my favorite animal style.
Dunno. Guns and mma attract chuds like flies. Maybe ask around if you've got any comrades who can teach you. For all practical purposes learning some basic strikes, throws, and ground work is going to put you ahead of most people who have no formal training at all. Worst case, find a buddy who also wants to learn and figure it out yourself from online videos. You don't have to be a good fighter, just better than your opponent.
Maybe look for classes taught by queer people, POC, or women? Might have better odds of dodging cops.