Are you radically different than your younger self? Are there key elements that have stayed the same? Most parts? Do you feel as if you've followed the "roadmap of life" or forged your own path? Have there been "chapters" or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow? Share what you'd like!
The bigoted version of me from 10 years ago would be shocked to know he is queer and a socialist.
Edit: he would probably also be shocked about the autism
closet case me would have his mind blown to know that there are classically beautiful men that are into average looking chubby bears; i regret not enjoying myself in my 20's every time i get to envy all the 20 somethings enjoying themselves to their fullest at the clubs.
at least it's fun to enjoy it vicariously as i watch them have fun. lol
I have some friends who never ended coming out. I mean, they told me they were gay, but they tucked that shit so far back it was in Narnia. I once seen Luenell say something like "It don't matter what you look like honey, as long as you can make them laugh!" But really there's all kinds and I have always felt in this world - as long as all individuals are down with the tango - let it rip! Don't agree with the chase though, that's just creepy. Let it go~~~~ (By that I mean one-sided interests)
You know one thing I can tell you is that I came up in the gay clubs and it was fun and cool and a certain way but I don't really know how wholesome it was. And I remember always talking to folks and telling them that I just wanted to create a space that was healthier for young queers to traverse that didn't have to just be at night (and I guess bookstores?)
But I think while everyone kinda lacks third-spaces now - that queers have a pretty accessible support network online. And some in person, depending on how they assemble. But either way, I think there's a lot more you can do than get wasted and mack on someone nowadays, and that's pretty cool. Cause it leads to healthier relationships with self and others I think.
One thing though, I will say you gusy can go to gay bars. Like actual bars, not clubs. If you're into that kind of thing. Cause men of all age ranges hang out at those. But it's also kinda a scene, you know? I'm not a gay man, just a lesbian who's sibbies are gay men. So I love hanging with my guys. Big hug to ya sweet bear <3~
I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men.
a group of lesbians came into the club i was at sunday and you could feel the disappointment oozing from them once they realized the kind of club it was; they were clearly dressed for dancing but the only booty shaking that happens there is of the prurient kind. lol
it seems to happens at least once a night and i think it shows the distance between the 2 groups but i'm glad they weren't a gaggle of straight women this time; whenever they show up, they like to dominate the space to get between the men having fun and that makes everyone else leave.
Oh yo! You do club down, cool! Hahaha. Yeah I was like plenty of time to catch up if you're down. Hahahaha! Gay men have robust club lives, I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives. Idk why the hell women gotta go at it like we're cats and dogs. Gay men are a blast, and I've had a great queer life along side of them. Yooooo, but legitimately I was doing this whole Stonewall thing this one go-round and laughed cause it was the same story. You had like that one dyke to eight gay men. Would crack me up. Hahaha! Those ladies could have been chill and etched out a space for themselves cause legitimately gay men do not care if you join the party. And I've run through the gamut. You just chill, laugh and love. (God that sounds like eat, drink, love or whatever but seriously I've had a blast going through the gay scene of America =P!) Plus, if you've got a vagina you don't get roofied. So that's pretty cool.
Oh but true story I think the statistics for queer people are actually pretty interesting. Idk if you ever looked into them, and there's still a lot of speculation surrounding them. But it's really crazy how everything lines up. And if you give it a think you'll be like - damn this really reflects the scene I've seen.
Also straight women are/were(?) horny for gay men. I think it's cute. I think it's probably a lot less nowadays, but hot damn when I was out gay men were like candy to them. Hahahaha! I think because they get to hang out with guys, but have fun in a less-gender coded way. Shrugs~ Idk they were kicking folks out basically, but I mean that's so...life. Right? Cause every time you get a niche vibe going, the "normies" (some folks hate this shit and it is biased so whateverrrrrrr - you get all the spaces, give us some!) come through and change it all. I've lost a couple cities in my lifetime to that shit, and I just feel so let down by how things have changed in that way.
Ooo, since I have you here. Let's talk cruising! Cause I brought it up recently and I thought about it (also joined with the statistics things). Don't you think it's fucking bananas that people in this day and age are still living those double-lives? Like, can't we just let it go and let people just be? Is it cause they want the "best" of both worlds? I never could figure it out, but I thought maybe it's cause of something like that. Give me your two cents if you've got it. I know you came out later in life, and idk where you life so maybe you've got a different feel for the whole thing. Let me know though~
I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives.
rotflmao
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO btw, I seen you're brown-town. Heyyyy =D~!!! I saw the POC lemmy the other day and was like IN to it! Good stuff on there. I was happy it existed and of the stuff it had. Even if there are (now) six people there =)! Whatsup my brother <3~!!! Indigie too (HI) =P~!!!
People of color. I saw you on there I think you said you were native but I was like HEY - HOMIE G! Hahahaha! But seriously, what they did in those camps is fucking awful and I've met a handful (and by a handful I mean a handful cause it's not like there's a "thriving native population") of people who are descendants of those boarding schools and they're fucked up to this day. It's crazy how being removed from your home and culture - then being left to "fend for yourself" after being "normalized" can lead to oodles of inter-generational trauma.
I was just saying hey cause I'm mixed on both sides but my ma's side is part-Hawaiian and they tried to crush us too. (Among others, also Japanese American and we know what happened there.)
Am I radically different than my younger self? Hmm, I've become truer to my younger self than I ever was in my early-mid twenties.
I grew my hair back out when it started thinning because I had it grown out when I was a teenager. I only ever cut it short to please others. I figured If I was gonna go bald, I'd enjoy what's left while I had it.
My politics moved left from the neoliberal views I used to hold once I realized how entrenched financial interests were responsible for almost every longterm societal problem. I figure If I become A full blown tankie by the time I'm 72, I will have done something right.
I have always been a staunch atheist but I have recently discovered the peace associated with spirituality like that proposed by Sam Harris. Philosophy has become much more important to me in general. I've always wanted to volunteer in my community and now I do
I realized that sometimes life won't let you follow the road map no matter how badly you want it. -All I can do is try not to stress too much over it. I'm In the latter half of my 30s now.
Yo, can you explain this tankie thing? Cause I seen people being grumpy as fudge about it on here. And I was like - what? Is? A? Tankie? YO!? And then I tried to look it up and was further confused and said I just don't think I get the internet. I'm gunna chill for the rest of today. And so, I did =P!
I too enjoy a cup of spirituality. I was going to church for a spin or three (I used to go to a temple but I don't have one around) but I have such utter grumpy feels about finding that someone might have diddled a skittle that I dropped it all for now. I figured I'd just keep going in my own way. Philosophy is a blast, I was practicing stocism for a while because I am an extremist. But then looked at Putin, figured he's probably the most stoic human being alive and decided to drop it.
I'm glad you got into the volunteer scene =)
Same age homie-g! Sounds like we're walking some similar brain-goo =)!
There's a chance I may regret posting this but a "Tankie" is a militant communist, one that still approves of the Governments of China, Russia, and possibly the DPRK even though hardly anything about those countries today resemble the Communism Marx, Engels, and even Lenin once wrote about. The term is often considered pejorative.
I'm only 24 yet can see by now where the crochetiness comes from.
I feel like the world has gotten way faster than it was when I was 24. Idk if I could say the same about the gen above me because Gen X was freakin' bonkers. But for sure it feels faster. I'd be in the same boat.
Most tastes and values stay the same. I feel less emotional intensity and motivation for everything though, for better or worse.
Mentally, learning is harder, thinking is slower.
Physically I will get sore more and more easily if I don't stretch and exercise, but by the same token I am in a better state of fitness than ten years ago.
They always played up that anyone can learn anything at any age but it really does get harder as you get older. I'm not sure if it's because of obligations, the juices slowing down (less plasticity), or just having less of a feel for it. Kudos for the fitness and cheers!
Big hugs =(!
While I don't have kids, I did live next to methheads for a good chunk of change and they wrecked my sleep and I think they made my brains go further cuckoo and for sure aged me up. Sleep is such an integral part of existing, I hope they calm down soon and you get some solid zzzs. Perhaps naps might help? I am not sure, and I don't know how much you take care of - or if a partner is in the picture - and how much they take care of? But either way I'm sorry it sucks so much. I hear it's worth it big picture =)
I have an amazing wife and we share responsibility for our two kids. My 3y old sleeps well for the most part and our 1y old will get there, too.
Hey, that's pretty cool. I am not sure at what age things get better but at least you'll be out of the woods at some point? Do your kids share a room? Cause I was the oldest, but nightmares would always lead to us calming each other down and I was happy to be in close proximity when I was younger. It kinda helped in a "pack-mentality" sort of way. Cause no boogieman would dare take multiple children, but alone? You're dead!
I hope you guys have your ways to find rest =)
Chances are you would have been a worse parent 10 years earlier; full of energy, but not enough experience to know how to parent well, and perhaps harboring a secret resentment for crushed dreams.
10 years later, those dreams are already achieved/crushed and those kids are the next big project in your life that you can pay full attention to. When you're caffeinated, of course.
Yeah I got old man's habits after having no energy for the same reason as you. Save that sweet energy whenever you can.
Just the other day I had to help my gal who is actually super, super active but reached down to move something (what? I can't remember) and just ended up lying on the floor because she pulled her back. Was sad =(! Is always sad, pertaining to everyone. Oh, backs!
A fun-tastic little shit blow-up I had two seconds ago at a certain pizza human (*On here, not at some freakin' service worker) showed me that even though I age I am still the same little shit throwing monkey. There's a super indulgent breakup song called Keep Your Name where the singer points out that his ex was changing and he's always just felt the same. To be honest, no matter what I've been through I always just seem to be the same. Same! Me - I don't know if that means I have just an absolutely solid sense of self, I am a wretched asshole, or there's just all types in this world. And yes, I understand that people change no matter what. That's life, you will change as you grow. Things will be added, things will be taken, and some stuff transforms. But I have a habit of writing out lists of things that I want and the overarching themes and idealisms have always been the same. Even my diet, while shifting here and there - always seems to be based off the same set wants (I am a chronic veggie lover, it's really a problem). I have always found this very funny as a whole, because I cannot stay static as a person. Not sure if you're heard (or figured it out) but I am ADHD as fuck. And even medicated, I crave that sweet, sweet chaos of change. Yet I seem to be me -> being me -> being me -> being me. It boggles my mind. Shrugs?
Hahahaha! My guy, I feel this so hard. Hahahaha! Aww man, I had this whole thing with my gal the other day. I was talking to her and I was like "Did you know spanking is abusive nowadays!?" And she was like, "It was abusive a bit before that." And I was like "You mean, like the 00s? Like 20 years ago?" And she said "No, a bit longer than that." And I was all like "REALLY!?" I mean idk, they spanked us all the time growing up. They'd be all like 'get the belt' and shit and then you had to go get the belt and...oh....! Okay, I see it now." And she was all like "exactly!" And then I went into this whole tangetal thing about switches and yada, yada. But anyways shit's genetic right? I swear to god my father was ADHD because he had handwriting that looked like a crumpled towel. He always had to be "doing" something or "going" somewhere. And when that man was mad, hot damn you better get the fuck out of site. That man would throw punches, chairs or people - but something was getting tossed and we all made the rounds. We were getting checked on by CPS too, cause the school kept calling on us. But my dad could talk like liquid smoke. I mean that man was smooth. And he was personable and really got it on with most folks but us. So they'd come - do the dance (if we were around he would make us hide outta sight) and then leave and it was until next time.
My queer awakening was 10/10 my brilliant spark of joy. Cause I was out of the house (at 16) and I for sure as FUCK was living. Even if I was making BUNK. Even if I didn't have SHITTTT - I had friends. I had poon. l had a gig that I could work. Life was good. I woulda gone to the military like you, cause I come from a military family. But legitimately Don't Ask, Don't Tell was being plastered all over the joint and it just didn't seem like a environment condusive to my being. I'm such a removedy flamingo and I laugh sometimes thinking about what all military service would have done to this little maggoty brain.
Sounds like whatever you did in the military worked well for you cause you landed with a structure, a partner, some friends (?), and the gi bill =P! Yo, you're from MO? I seriously (seriously) know some of the sweetest folks from down there. I've got a lot of love for the Midwest as a whole, but hot damn there's something about the location that can spark up some sweetness. I glossed over the dad stuff because I have had this kinda wonder how I'd feel when he dies kinda thing that floats by time to time. But ultimately we haven't had a relationship in over twenty years. So I don't really know or expect much. Eh!
It sounds like you did okay, even though it was a shit-sandwich the whole time.
I heard there's a lot of burnout in tech around the 10 year mark. And I think that's why a lot of people pivot from dev roles to management. Not that anything is easier, but I think you just get to use your brain a little less intensely. I also (although can't prove it) think tech is becoming super ageist. Which is weird considering the more you've been around it the more you know? I think more so it's because you don't have to pay grunts nearly as much and the customers will buy/use what you've got even if it's a taped together buggy mess.
You sound like you've been going through it again at the end there. Check out Open Path they might be able to cut you a deal. Look for someone who specializes in what you need - and you vibe with. Don't get stuck with someone who doesn't make you feel safe. I heard about this organization through milspouse and it might actually help you. I don't think it hurts to reach out, and you might legit find a gig through it. I've also heard about this through milspouse too and while idk much about this one, you might actually be able to work for these guys though. Cause you've got gobs of experience and you probably know how to talk to people in a commanding way from what all I've read up there.
GL my dood! Keep your sparkle, keep going. Be careful if you're dancing with the dark. Cause I heard men of your age and background can be of a certain risk to themselves. You know? So if you notice shit getting bad, find people you love and get them in your life yesterday. Okay?
Be well!
Oh yeah for sure this stuff comes from intergenerational trauma. My grandfather (not by blood, but by upbringing) was a horrible wretched soul. My grandmother was a saint, and I'd pop anyone who says otherwise =P! (Okay that was a joke, I pass a fist) But legit I heard this man was some kinda monster and I honestly do not know how many people he's hurt big picture but I do know that his ripples can be felt even after his death. And I talked about this once before but it was crazy how all roads led to "removed" and men weren't allowed to be or do anything for generations based on those limitations. Things have kinda changed, but it's still not there. Aww man, my dad had levels of rage. I am still terrified of that man to this day. Even though I know logically - what's he gunna do? But I can still go back there. But I mean I think we can do that with all sorts of emotions and memories are just kinda like that - you can go back to what you remember. And yeah, same here - if he was mad at something else hot damn he'd take it out on us. Was a mess. I am glad you reconnected and got to a place where you could sorta heal that image in your head and gain some more closure. I hear that's the upside of all the chaos, but I think in my case I'm just gunna let sleeping dogs lie. Cause I really don't have much else I can do. And the few times I have tried to reconnect with him over the phone he started getting mad a couple minutes in. Which stinks because one of my sibbies kinda has that flamey temp too. And they're both bigguns' (and I am the size of a pinkie =P!)
Hahaha, nah man - that running beat (which most def had to be inspired by call and response negro spirituals) is solid. I picked it up right off the bat. One of the only military folks I know now - that's their thing too. They got out and all they do is run, helps them feel connected to things. But I think they listen to electronic stuff, but it could follow a similar beat you know? Structure is almost impossible to follow to a T with ADHD. I cheat by changing things up just enough that it doesn't drive me bonkers. A simple example would be like going one road over on your circuit next week to see different things. Helps keeps stuff interesting.
Being on-call is a poop. I think you're supposed to get paid extra for that, and people are on some bs because they're always trying to figure out how to weasel the most "productivity" out of someone while paying them the absolute least they can get away with. Legit, it sounds like you know what you want. And it sounds like you've got tons of passion and energy. I straight heave (on the low-low) heard of a lot of devs smashing dual-gigs and raking in the cash then investing that and getting out of the rat-race early.
That ADHD site could be money, bc legit if you've got it you know how it is when you're out here trying to learn and stuff is all over the place. One thing I will warn though, is that it seems there's two camps. I NEED MORE INFORMATION ALL THE TIME NOW, NOW, NOW and - I need this cleaned up and in tiny bites please. I'd look into the science of it all but I do know that there's a huge issue transfering short term -> long term so clean information is really important. I was reading this site based off an article I can't seem to find anymore (???) cause the post is gone. But the design was so choice on mobile because it was so clean and easy to read. And I always get so frustrated trying to read stuff outside of "reader" mode because most designs are too much. And it's why I like PieFed cause it's relatively (the threads are a bit smooshed together horizontally so I don't always get it) easy to read. But ne ways, you're gunna be fine one way or another. If you have too much trouble flex your military and coding experience and utilize it to get a gig. Cause sometimes you gotta use your edge to get ahead if the fish aren't biting. And it's pretty rough right now all things considered.
My guy, I hope you find your something. I can't even imagine what life would be like riding high on testosterone. I'd probably smash every bone in my body at some point. I'm glad I am just impassioned and not blindly raging. Cause legitimately, things have for sure gotten crunchier out there and it takes some real strength to realize how unimportant so much of it is. Yo, you seem like a real character foreals. You ever think about getting in to some kinda martial arts? Cause one guy I met who was an old-dog former military type had those fabulous cauliflower ears (you know which ones I'm talking about) but he seemed calmer than anything. And maybe finding your way to something like that might legit connect you to that primal thing you liked about the military =)! Also the reason why I said what I said is because I know PTSD is a bitch and legitimately I've heard both young men and military men kill themselves are a higher rate than others and I just wanted to say keep yourself safe cause you seem like a good guy who's going through it and I know when you're going through it stuff can get cloudy.
I know you're not old, hahahaha! But I also know you're not a spring chicken =)! Always fun to talk to you, my brother hahahaha!
Yoooasf;klahflkhfafksh!!!!!! Legit like a freakin' lightbulb here! I mean this might be absolutely bonkers but what if you could switch the way things are displayed like "light/dark" mode and create an accessibility revolution!? Then just code things to hide or show depending on what the individual selects. And you can set a default view in your profile? Idk, maybe that's like trite, but I feel like if more sites offered cleaned up minimal views I would use them. That gucci mobile view is so choice. When I see a readable mobile site it's like butter to my eyes because it's so easy to read and I've got one of those Amoled screens (and a phone bigger than my hand =_o!) so it looks so slick!
10/10 you can get those grants. You can also get help building it if you need by checking out cool websites like this one that are run by exceptional human beings. But it's also totally cool if that doesn't sit well with you. And 100% learning things can be brutal because we both need an incredible amount of guidance but also the space to learn our own way. And I know my ass learns, thinks, communicates most def differently than others because <<<< Look at all this =P! I'm hyped for you though, seriously. You ever need someone to toss stuff around, I'm here =)!
Seeing younger people easily overcome the hurdles we once struggled with.
How have I aged... to quote the tourettes guy, "You look like 200lbs of bird shit!"
Ahahahahaha!!!! HAHAHAHA! Aww man, I threw my head back on this one. Thank you for that laughs. Hahaha!
Hahaha! Shit. Hahaha. Aww, still laughing!
Oh, I get this. You know I'm gunna keep talking Katz cause it's the only fkin thing I am watching right now but in it Paul F Tompkins says he eats like garbage yet he still has that little gleam in his eye and as long as you combine the knowledge of the two he's doing alright. So maybe you too have a little gleam, even if you've slowly evolved to a total glorbo. It's pretty funny though, and I wish you all the best. Hahahahaha!
