So I have been coming to the realisation that I am somewhat dysphoric. I have however come to the conclusion that although I would feel better living as a woman, the negative feelings I get for living as a man would be massively outweighed by the negative effects of transitioning at this point in my life. My reasons are as follows:

I am very masculine in appearance: I look not only masculine but actually rugged. I'm well over 6 ft tall. Picture a cross between Gordon Ramsay and groundskeeper Willie. My beard is thick and bushy, and shaving causes extreme razor burn (full on facial eczema).

My parents are very transphobic. When I was visiting them for Christmas, my mother brought out a newspaper clipping about a friend who I'd fallen out of contact with and her recently published book. This friend was AMAB and my mother found the transition hilarious. My father is also transphobic, but additionally racist. At this point I need the inheritance to provide a stable home for my kids and if I'm being brutally honest it's the only reason I still keep contact with them.

The country I live in requires that you live as a woman for a year before considering any sort of gender affirming care (including hrt). See the above comment about my appearance.

I'm an autist and not a confident person. The extra attention would be extremely uncomfortable for me. I prefer complete anonymity.

I am attracted to women. This is fine of course, but as we all know there are a lot of lesbians who are pretty transphobic, and this could result in a very lonely existence. My current partner is bi but she's attracted to me as a man.

I'm not looking for encouragement to take steps. I've already decided to live my life. But some kind words would go a long way to brightening my day. Thanks for reading.