They may be incapable of knowing. There are no magic words that will penetrate their defenses.
The good news is that you're free. You can stop now. If you need permission, I'll give it to you: You are hereby allowed to stop trying to get through to your wilfully deaf parents.
Please stop.
From https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
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Cross posted replies from elsewhere:
Totally agree. Any time I have attempted to explain - either to nDad or eMom - the issues and decades of abuse, they consistently deny and gaslight everything I tell them. They don't want to hear. They don't want to listen. They don't care. Message received. Finally.... Only took me 20 years of adulthood to reach this same conclusion!