To be clear, im queer and im in a relationship with a gay cis man.
Some days ago we were watching a sketch on YouTube about the gay best friend stereotype, where the joke was basically "I can be misogynistic and can walk into female dressing rooms because im gay". I was trying to gather my thoughts to write a piece about it, personally I have no problem being the "gay friend" to my female friends, but there are a lot of stupid and harmful misconceptions about it. I would like to hear some of your opinions about it.
Being a gay best friend doesn't mean you can flout misogyny. Even though I am non binary (amab) I respect women's spaces. The patriarchy doesn't end just because I identify differently now. Afab are in clear and present danger around amab. When I see women I think "Are they going to respect my gender identity?" But what they evaluate is "Is this person gonna go Ted Bundy on me?"
Yeah, getting into female spaces while still being kinda masc presenting without being explicitly invited first is just an invasion of privacy and violating boundaries.
It stands for assigned male/female at birth respectively. Used in trans circles to specify what genitals someone had at birth (or was forced to have, in the case of intersex people whose doctors just chopped stuff off as soon as they were born).
Afab are in clear and present danger around amab.
This is not accurate.
Leaving aside the fact you were talking about gender in the first half of your post, and then switched over to assigned sex as if they were the same thing, a more accurate statement would have been "AFAB folk, and gender diverse AMAB folk are most at risk from cishet men"
Your statement here positions some of the main targets of aggression as being the aggressors
“Can” in this context means nobody is going to challenge him on it.
As with all jokes it matters who the audience is. My friends can make off-colour jokes with me, I can reciprocate with off-jokes. But I would never do this with people not fully aware of my actual opinions. This also counts to clear misogynistic jokes.
My closest female friends they would be fine with it, they've known me for years, I've supported them in their lowest and they know I would never mean the a horrible thing I say. They'll happily reciprocate with some toxic male jokes, or some gay jokes. That said, even when I make them they are both clear intended to be jokes, but if they ever looked uncomfortable then it would be my guilt to bear, as at the end, as the audience they are meant to enjoy the joke, not be sad or hurt by it.
Making them to strangers is a big no-no, and if strangers are in the room with you at the time (like a party) you also have to "match the energy" of your friend. That means don't randomly do something misogynistic that they would understand to be a joke, but strangers would not. I think this is the hardest for most people as they don't consider that strangers witnessing could also be accidental audiences.
If it's OK for the gay best friend to be misogynistic, it's OK for the woman to be homophobic. Makes just as much sense.
I can imagine that kind of friendships being like, they playfully tell each other to suck a dick.
