I'm just gonna be honest... this deadline creeping up closer is frightening me a ton.

Not only that, last night, I got verbally attacked by a racist roommate in this residence who directly called me a slur and threatened to call the landlord on me, saying "You're finished!", over a baseless accusation over some ultimately trivial thing.

I talked about this man before, and he will continue to be awful. He apologized to me, and he continues to contradict himself by saying that, "This is just something I tell everybody in the house," which isn't true because his extreme rant was clearly directed at me, especially considering the racism and threats to get me evicted over nothing. This shit's gonna happen again, but at least, the more he acts like this, the easier it gets to take less seriously.

Things are bad. As a black transfem in a conservative state, I don't feel like I have the means to sugarcoat or hang onto a false sense of hope anymore. That's just how it is.

I've been feeling like I may be next on the list of many black trans people in this country with a terrible fate, especially since I don't have any real job prospects. Doing applications is feeling as realistic as me hopelessly trying for the lottery constantly.