i apologize for my emotional outburst in which i used unnecessary foul language in my replies to comments in 'why the patriarchy wants you to hate incels' thread. some comments there hurt my feelings at the time and i let my emotions get the better of me instead of responding in a helpful way, or simply reporting and moving on.

i disavow and repudiate the toxic views expressed in the thread in which i was banned. i did not see the rest of the thread until after i was banned with the exception of one reply to my comment which i responded to and one reply which i ignorantly upvoted, not knowing the context but desperate for any show of agreement at the time in my upset mental state.

i maintain that shaming men for sexual frustration is problematic in the same way as shaming men for height or wight, which our site has had struggle sessions over in the past, and is an example of an attitude that unintentionally upholds patriarchal thought.

i vehemently disagree with the characterisation of my comments as 'using bell hooks as a cudgel to force accomodating violent misogynists'. i do not approve of any praxis to the end of accomodating misogynists or misogyny. i wished to express the argument in point 3 above, and to push back against problematic patriarchal attitudes as i see them, and i believe that my genuinely problematic emotional outburst undermined my ability to do so, and that my ignorant upvoting and the problematic nature of the rest of the thread led moderation to assume i was arguing along similar misogynist lines. to reiterate point 2 above, i was avoiding further engagement with the thread for my own mental health, only interacting with direct responses to me, and had blocked one of the users involved, so i did not see the rest of the thread, only the reports in the modlog after i was banned.

i believe my comments should still have been removed for hostility in the first case, and for doubling down on a removed comment in the second case, and after seeing the modlog i am not upset with moderation for liberally applying bans in that situation. this is not a ban appeal, but a clarification of my views.

i acknowledge that even caring enough about an anonymous website to post something like this, let alone all the unposted thoughts and feelings i've had over the course of this ban, makes me 'cringe' and 'terminally online' and i will do my best to 'touch grass' in the future. i will try to be more mindful of my mental health and avoid engaging with the site when i am in a negative headspace.

i am not posting this because i believe it is necessary for my continued engagement with the site, but because i want to make my views clear, as i believe they have been misinterpreted, and to avoid causing trouble by posting in an inappropriate comm. this is not a callout post, this is not a ban appeal, i do not desire or seek any further actions against any user or moderator. I genuinely wish to express my desire to improve in terms of social interactions and feminist theory to the only online community that i feel safe participating in.