• bubbalu [they/them]
    ·
    10 months ago

    I started dating a partnered poly guy a while ago when I wasn't in the place for a really serious relationship, but eventually got more stable and developed more serious feelings. I don't consider myself poly but have grown a lot during this relatjonship. Now his girlfriend is increasingly resentful of me and has actively started antagonizing me out of jealousy. She has several other partners and they and my bf get along well, but now says she is into 'parallel poly' and does not want to interact with me at all. This feels very hypocritical/cake-eatery/'rules for thee and not for me'. It puts me in a crappy space because our social circles interlap significantly and it makes my relationship with our bf and shared friends more difficult.

    I could use advice finding the appropriate way to share this realization with my bf because I recognize my bias and conflict of interest.

    • UnicodeHamSic [he/him]
      ·
      10 months ago

      Theoretically if she doesn't get along with you that's fine. Not everyone likes everyone. However she should be cool about it. This seems uncool. It seems like she is resenting the increased amount of his time and space you are occupying. Depending on how everyone is about everything I'd ask your boy to work on it. Then just sitting down and the three of you talking it out. Especially if you are new to poly they owe it to you to help work through issues as they come up.

          • JuneFall [none/use name]
            ·
            10 months ago

            I would say part of 2LGBTQIA*+, but doesn't quite feel queer to me. Still very real struggles and contradictions in the topic.

            Did you know that as bigamists aren't allowed entry in the USA?

            Planning to Practice Polygamy in the U.S. Makes U.S. Immigrant Visa Applicants Inadmissible. Anyone seeking an immigrant visa (lawful permanent residence or a green card) who plans to come to the U.S. and practice polygamy is considered inadmissible (barred from U.S. entry). (See I.N.A. Section 212(a)(10)(A).)

            This of course also has Islamophobic connotations, but not only those.

            • UnicodeHamSic [he/him]
              ·
              10 months ago

              Especially when you go to poly munches it can feel very middle class. There isn't a particular reason for it to be queer as such but it just isn't part of the cis comp het system. So we would have several very tedious struggle sessions about it for sure.

              That is an intresting contradiction. Pretty much every one of our oligarchs is openly polygamous. So in the way of patriarchy polyamory being a feminist alternative to polygamy is frowned upon by society

              • JuneFall [none/use name]
                ·
                10 months ago

                but it just isn't part of the cis comp het system

                Absolutely agree and the middle class thing isn't wrong. Though funny enough before it became more mainstream known many places in which good munches and workshops in my city happened (often under labels somewhat different to polyamory) they were from leftists, sometimes feminist, sometimes autonomous somewhat anarchist groups. So your point about a feminist polyamory which is an alternative to both the official and inofficial polygamy (think Elon Musk or Donald Trump) as well as the patriarchial polyamory which is exclusionary in terms of gender identities in practice does really vibe with me.

                it just isn't part of the cis comp het system

                Absolutely.

                There would of course be challenges brought in in addition to other points that poly means exclusion of neurodivergent people, not only due to sane-ism, but due to the non materialist idea that enough communication and talking about problems does fix them as example.