Why is it every single time I send an email or message to my loved ones or friends I am terrified up to the moment I press send, after I press send I'm resigned to the impending disaster. ie, rejection of my message or me. Opening replies is just as terrifying.
And yet there is never a disaster and reading back my messages they are never so fraught or needy or rude as I think they are. My messages are usually kind and sensitive and tactful .
Stupid inner voice from my ex family telling me I am really bad at social interactions, so bad I'm an outcast. Why did I believe it for so long?
Stupid ex family kicks them in the shins Be nice to yourself. You have decades of lies to unlearn, and some of them got their hooks in you at a very early age.
truly, I am the luckiest person in the world to have such wonderful people in my life, not a one has ever said or done anything to warrant my feelings. All the feedback I've ever gotten from others has been so positive.
I just don't understand why my ex family would tell me such awful lies that hurt my life and soul .
The most horrid thing is you'll never get an answer that will give you closure.
You just won't.
Voice of experience here, the best you will get is understanding that there is just something...broken or missing in them, that is not in you. You'll learn concepts like emotional immaturity or generational trauma or maladaptive habits or projection or a whole bunch of other ones but they're just puzzle pieces you constantly juggle around, there's no one piece you can one day point to and go AHA! THAT WAS IT!
Because it's not you. It was never you. It's them. And you can't process another person's psyche.
Why is it every single time I send an email or message to my loved ones or friends I am terrified up to the moment I press send, after I press send I'm resigned to the impending disaster. ie, rejection of my message or me. Opening replies is just as terrifying.
And yet there is never a disaster and reading back my messages they are never so fraught or needy or rude as I think they are. My messages are usually kind and sensitive and tactful .
Stupid inner voice from my ex family telling me I am really bad at social interactions, so bad I'm an outcast. Why did I believe it for so long?
Stupid ex family kicks them in the shins Be nice to yourself. You have decades of lies to unlearn, and some of them got their hooks in you at a very early age.
You are awesome and they are arseholes.
thank you 😭
truly, I am the luckiest person in the world to have such wonderful people in my life, not a one has ever said or done anything to warrant my feelings. All the feedback I've ever gotten from others has been so positive.
I just don't understand why my ex family would tell me such awful lies that hurt my life and soul .
The most horrid thing is you'll never get an answer that will give you closure.
You just won't.
Voice of experience here, the best you will get is understanding that there is just something...broken or missing in them, that is not in you. You'll learn concepts like emotional immaturity or generational trauma or maladaptive habits or projection or a whole bunch of other ones but they're just puzzle pieces you constantly juggle around, there's no one piece you can one day point to and go AHA! THAT WAS IT!
Because it's not you. It was never you. It's them. And you can't process another person's psyche.
hugs, thanks
smish