We've got these... birds, okay? Beautiful birds that are made right here in America---that's local industry, folks---and people have been just been saying the meanest and nastiest things about them for the longest time, and it's not fair; it's not fair. It's got to stop. Rats with wings? Well you know what? Rats are friends! I've got three big league rats who I love very much and adore every day! That's one rat for each of my big sons... beautiful creatures! All they want to do is nibble and snuggle and go like this *mimes eating corn-on-the-cob* and it's tremendous; it's unbelievable---there's nothing like em. We love our tiny critters.

They say Mike Tyson owned pigeons. Mike Tyson. BIG GUY! Most people don't think big guy like little thing, but guess what? He loved those little birds, folks, believe me. One day, friend of Mike's Tyson shows up at his house in New York---beautiful city---and said some very mean and nasty things about his pigeons and Mike Tyson just knocked him out cold right there---true story---and that's when he found out he champion's fists. Ya know, Mike has his own problems but I think deep down he just wants to protect the little guy. We love standing up to protect the vulnerable, don't we folks?

The outdoor cats? They're done for, folks. These menacing creatures have been coming into neighborhoods and attacking our communities of feather for a long time and nobody is doing a thing about it. When cat owners let out their pets, they're not letting out their best. They're sending cats that have LOTS of problems and they're bringing these problems to US. They're bringing worms; they're bringing fleas; they're murderers. And some, I assume, are good kitties. What are we going to do? *cups hand to ear* That's right, we're gonna build a wall to keep these cats inside, and we're gonna make the cat owners pay for it.

  • Hoodoo [love/loves]
    ·
    edit-2
    4 years ago

    Pigeons are objectively the best part of city living and noone can convince me otherwise

    free outdoor doves. you can just take them home with you

    • TankieTanuki [he/him]
      cake
      hexagon
      ·
      4 years ago

      When I learned that white release doves , the symbol of purity and freedom, were nothing more than white pigeons I thought "man, that's some racist bullshit!"

  • MichoganGayFrog [they/them]
    ·
    4 years ago

    I had a friend that pidgeons would just kinda, land on. If he went near any group of pidgeons he'd have like three on him. It was weird.

    • MichoganGayFrog [they/them]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I had one get into my house. We have like 12 foot high ceilings with easy perches in each corner. We had to get two other people so we'd have one on each corner shacking brooms so it would finally get tired.l and landed on the sheet we put out. Someone then put a bucket over and we wrapped it up and brought it outside. This took like three hours.

      Everyone was happy about saving the bird so I didn't mention the fact that it bonked itself into enough walls to turn it's skull to oatmeal and would probably die within the hour.

      • quartz242 [she/her]
        ·
        4 years ago

        I can relate to that experience, although it was back of the house at a sushi restaurant

      • Alf [any]
        ·
        edit-2
        2 years ago

        deleted by creator

  • anaesidemus [he/him]
    ·
    4 years ago

    When I think about pigeons my mind always drifts towards the disabled ones with no legs and stuff. Then I feel sad for them. Then I remember they have wings so them having crippled legs is not that bad really.

  • Alf [any]
    ·
    edit-2
    2 years ago

    deleted by creator

    • TankieTanuki [he/him]
      cake
      hexagon
      ·
      4 years ago

      We need to shut this pet abandonment thing down until we can figure out what the hell is going on.

      • Alf [any]
        ·
        edit-2
        2 years ago

        deleted by creator

      • MagisterSinister [he/him,comrade/them]
        ·
        4 years ago

        They may soon come to a city near you! I love going for a walk in the park, in winter, in the middle of Europe, and seeing a flock of them looking down on me from the trees. Fruit farmers don't like them as much, but a birb's gotta eat, right?