it's hard to describe, but even when we are talking about the same subject, it feels like... different dialects

we can understand each other superficially, but i feel no connection at all, as if they don't "think" about that subject the same way i do, they don't follow the same rhythm, i don't know, i feel alien

and since i'm socially inept as fuck, the few times i do meet someone who actually has a similar wavelength i always manage to mess it up somehow, usually by not knowing how to dose my excitement - i either go through way too hard and scare them off, or i'm too soft and look indifferent

i'll be 30 in 4 months and i've never not felt lonely for more than a few days

how the fuck am i gonna stand reaching the age of 40 this way, i don't even know if i wanna be 31...

fuck i'm not even sure i wanna be 30 really