I think the first thing to consider is that approaching Buddhism as philosophy may not lead to fruitful insight. I was introduced to Buddhism through the works of Thich Nhat Hanh and one of the most profound things I learned from his writings was that Buddhism is something we have to practice in order to understand. I like to think I'm sorta knowledgeable on the topic but not enough to try and lay out any basic teachings in this moment. Some books/sources that have really helped guide me are Plum village (they have a free app that is really great!) and the Mind Illuminated (neuroscience based meditation guide).
If you are really interested in understanding Buddhism then I'd recommend starting out slow with a form of meditation practice that you find compelling (sitting, walking, chanting, loving-kindness). Try and take it easy on yourself! Even the fact that you are investigating these feelings and searching for answers is a beautiful thing, whether or not you feel called to practice Buddhism or not!
When I first was introduced to buddhism I was in a pretty bad place, I think it was when the climate report came out and everything felt meaningless and my death seemed just around the corner. In an old bookstore I found the book Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh and I learned about loving-kindness meditation. Before that I always thought meditation, and buddhism by extension, was silently staring at a wall, focusing your mind until you didn't feel anything, and really cutting yourself off from life. The practice of loving-kindness helped to open my understanding and crack that shell of cynicism that I had previously used to protect myself. This practice was enough to help me crawl through those dark times.
Life still feels meaningless sometimes, its still hard, sometimes the feelings of helplessness and despair still crop up but now I just have more tools for handling those feelings. It isn't easy to sit with unpleasant feelings, but sometimes acknowledging them can really help. If I feel anxious sometimes I'll say to myself "I feel anxiety arising. Hello my anxiety I am here for you, I will help take care of you." Sometimes just that is enough for my body to relax and my mind to calm. Maybe something like that would work for you and maybe not, but I believe that you can find some practice that does feel right for you!
I think the first thing to consider is that approaching Buddhism as philosophy may not lead to fruitful insight. I was introduced to Buddhism through the works of Thich Nhat Hanh and one of the most profound things I learned from his writings was that Buddhism is something we have to practice in order to understand. I like to think I'm sorta knowledgeable on the topic but not enough to try and lay out any basic teachings in this moment. Some books/sources that have really helped guide me are Plum village (they have a free app that is really great!) and the Mind Illuminated (neuroscience based meditation guide).
If you are really interested in understanding Buddhism then I'd recommend starting out slow with a form of meditation practice that you find compelling (sitting, walking, chanting, loving-kindness). Try and take it easy on yourself! Even the fact that you are investigating these feelings and searching for answers is a beautiful thing, whether or not you feel called to practice Buddhism or not!
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When I first was introduced to buddhism I was in a pretty bad place, I think it was when the climate report came out and everything felt meaningless and my death seemed just around the corner. In an old bookstore I found the book Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh and I learned about loving-kindness meditation. Before that I always thought meditation, and buddhism by extension, was silently staring at a wall, focusing your mind until you didn't feel anything, and really cutting yourself off from life. The practice of loving-kindness helped to open my understanding and crack that shell of cynicism that I had previously used to protect myself. This practice was enough to help me crawl through those dark times.
Life still feels meaningless sometimes, its still hard, sometimes the feelings of helplessness and despair still crop up but now I just have more tools for handling those feelings. It isn't easy to sit with unpleasant feelings, but sometimes acknowledging them can really help. If I feel anxious sometimes I'll say to myself "I feel anxiety arising. Hello my anxiety I am here for you, I will help take care of you." Sometimes just that is enough for my body to relax and my mind to calm. Maybe something like that would work for you and maybe not, but I believe that you can find some practice that does feel right for you!
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