BlibbetyFlimbo. It's a SaaS solution for tracking HIPAA compliance violations.

All right, who's the smartass who keeps putting the mayo in the freezer section? Fuckin' customers, I swear to god

Starting a slow thong clap to see who joins in

B^U

is going to make Moscow pay for its lack of vision.

By opening an eyecare clinic, probably.

The monkey bars look fun

It looks like it might be gibberish. It alternates between Webdings and Wingdings, and it's hard to read because not only is the pixel count pretty bad to begin with, but it has also been flattened vertically by about 50%. Here's a version with the aspect ratio corrected:

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Scaling really butchered some of the pictographs, but at least some of the characters are identifiable on here:

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Feel free to double-check my work (I'm half asleep and less than half sober), but here's what I've got:

1. Lines 1 & 2: Webdings:

njm kqnji
foi2

2. Lines 3 & 4: Wingdings:

oihqvojbdl
k vnlq oh

3. Lines 5-7: Webdings:

lI [GRILL]
s.slblkM4
jiaslkfv

Edit: Here's the best I could do at re-creating it (minus the GRILL part; I couldn't get Unicode alt glyphs to show up in my editor):

1. Full-res, normal height, 16 point Webdings + Wingdings:

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2. Full-res, 50% height:

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Either way, it just looks like mashing random keys, although the first line gets awfully close to spelling out "Shinji"

I mean, I was 5 at the time

Pattern recognition and its consequences

the cute feeeeeeeeemale

B^U

Although the Air Force now denies this claim, according to more than one source I contacted, the code necessary to launch a missile was set to be the same at every Minuteman site: 00000000.

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Can confirm; got to tour the interior of a decommissioned B-52D or G once and there was even a James Earl Jones in there. It was uncanny.

Hertz Rent-a-Car confirmed to be on Mossad's kill list

I grew up Catholic and my family was so racist that when I thought Judas was the main figure in Judaism (like how "Christ" is the Main Character in "Christianity"), nobody corrected me for like 3 or 4 years.

Bottom line, if your best friend introduces you to a dude named Zander or Parrish or whatever and said dude immediately starts freaking out and claiming that your Magic: The Gathering Revised Edition Pestilence card burned his hand with the power of Satan, and oh by the way would you like to come to our study group where we play ping pong and eat pizza, THERE IS NO PIZZA. THE PIZZA IS A LIE.

...I'm still pissed off at that weirdo cult for taking my friend away from me. It's hard to take someone seriously after you've seen him -- and a room full of other teenagers -- pretend to speak in tongues for half an hour while a keyboard player holds a drone chord in a shitty P&W song.

Tell me you're a Ruby Dixon fan without telling me you're a Ruby Dixon fan

I'm a capytailist. I like capybaras' silly little tail nubs.

Edit: But holy shit, he does a pretty good Obama

I guess we doin Zaire, Burma, and South Vietnam now