bolshevikLovelace [she/her, love/loves]

ah okay, well if you want to start with trying just cbd oil then that sounds good. from my experience, cbd doesn't do shit by itself and thc is not as effective alone either. getting a good cbd+thc ratio is normally what i try to strive for. i've heard that weed shop people are pretty friendly? if i were you, this is what i would do: make a plan to go in, ask for a balanced (25:25 is what i have) cbd+thc oil and say that you're new to it, pick a time to try it and start slow at a low dose, wait 1-2 hours before effects kick in, take a bit more if you need. i've said here previously that having a plan of what to do while you're high helps as well. on a really stressful day i'll draw a bath, put some nice music on, have some snackies prepared, and get blazed asf

all those are suggestions, do everything at your own pace and whatnot. but good luck! it sounds like you want to try it, so i hope you can make your way into the store eventually. in the meantime i'll be over here

it's taken three revisits to actually finish the zine, the first time was very early in transition and scared me off a little bit. i had a bit of a juvenile "ew sex ed" reaction when all the anatomy was being discussed but it was incredibly helpful. thank you Mira Bellwether for teaching me about my removed, for talking positively about soft penises, for discussing sex in ways that i've never thought of. it was life-changing information to receive and i'm so glad i read it when someone linked it here previously

well last time i stopped around page 36, thinking that there would be so many more intense, crazy, uncomfortable topics to go. but the remainder is mostly focused on the more emotional aspects? the section on Touch hit me pretty hard, i think that's something i might be missing? i really like my new (ty estrogen) squishy bits and maybe i need to ask for them to be touched more

however, my favourite part from the latter half was this:

I want to share some nice things I’ve written down about various lovers. Anonymously, of course.

Hey girl: I like your strong, smooth hands. You're a great kisser. Your smoky voice makes my removed twitch. Your rosy cheeks are simply the cutest. I daydream about running my hands down your spine and playing with your asshole. Your thighs feel so good against my ass, strong and soft. Your eyes are so pretty that I want to grab you and kiss you every time that I see you. You are the smartest bitch I know, including myself. You have a way with words that makes talking to you on the street an exercise in restraint. You are sneaky in the best way. No one has ever made me feel as sexy as you did when you fucked me last night, and I really mean it. No one. Your energy is contagious.

Being with her makes me feel like I’m 16 again; small, and naive, and horny, and like everything is possible

There aren't words. I've never met someone so gorgeous before in my whole life.

You are very gentle at all the right times. Thank you for fucking me in the lounge with the door unlocked, the view of campus was really spectacular, You are so sweet, and so funny. You have really cute hair, I want to cum on your tits because they are so gorgeous, You're pretty. With your words and your body you make me feel like I'm the sexiest, smartest woman in the room no matter what. I want to lie around and listen to music with you all day. You are an amazing dancer.

omg Mira

that is all, thanks for reading ✧˖°

what has your experience with weed been like? it's almost a special interest for me so i'm very willing to discuss it, though i don't want to over-explain anything you already know

i'm a daily stoner gal (between the hours of 4pm and midnight) and have been for a few years. when i turned 18 i relied pretty heavily on alcohol to deal with being overwhelmed and had some scares with over-consumption so fuck that. eventually, i tried weed and was terrible at smoking it so got really good at making edibles (once you get the dosing down, edibles are really fun. they keep you high for much longer too). then i found out about dry herb vaporisers and that's what i've been using ever since (tip: if you save the vaporised herb you can skip the decarb process of making edibles and got some extra use out of the flower). weed delivers the effects that i need 90% of the time, that is quieting down the really loud parts of my brain and letting me relax. if you have an actual weedstore available then that's dope as hell, i'm so jealous - closest to legal here is medical (which i'm on, it's fun getting drugs delivered to my house)

(oh and sorry for all the parentheses)

yeah she should... it's hard to expect so much understanding from someone that's cis (not to excuse anything but she has come a long way from how she used to think so it's hard to keep asking for more). i def get why t4t is a thing

consulting transhub for this since they've been pretty reliable for all things Aus-specific

In NSW, you are currently only able to update the legal gender marker on your birth certificate if you have undergone a “sex affirmation procedure”.

This is defined in section 32A, of the BDM Registrations Act 1995 as a surgical procedure involving the alteration of a person’s reproductive organs carried out: a. for the purpose of assisting a person to be considered to be a member of the opposite sex; or b. to correct or eliminate ambiguities relating to the sex of the person.

This can typically include GRS or an orchiectomy. Breast implants, top surgery and facial surgery are not counted under this definition.

it is what it is but i reserve the right to be pissed

Your partner doesn't have to live with the same dysphoria you do. I can't say it won't change anything between you and her but if she's mostly been supportive I think she'll continue to be even if she's anxious about it or your identity as a woman is becoming more real

honestly i think there's been many such cases of this since i transitioned and every time it actually came down to it, she has been supportive. so yeah, i'm hoping it's just looming anxieties that will eventually be resolved but it weighs on my mind

For me, it also didn't like remove my Adam's apple, it just very very reduced it. Didn't affect my voice or anything else.

that's good to hear! my main concern if i did decide to go through with it was damage to my voice so thanks for the reassurance. i feel pretty indifferent to the surgery - i'm leaning more into it but i don't want to do it just to make some cis people more comfortable iykwim

i think i want bottom surgery, i mean i'm pretty sure of it now. i was saying shit like "if i lived in a cyberpunk-type universe i'd be getting a robopussy immediately" years before my egg cracked so honestly it doesn't feel too new. i would wonder about how the sensations and experience would feel and how it would differ from my own. but i really wish these feelings were uninfluenced by outside forces so i could be confident that they are mine

outside force #1 - state department of births deaths and marriages. (probably bad opsec but fuck it) i was born in the only state in the country that still requires bottom surgery to change the sex on my birth certificate. i don't vote in their elections, i've spent less than a fifth of my life living there, i will never willingly go back, but my legal sex depends on their government policy. there's ways to get around this mattering too much (i.e. passport gender marker) but that requires another series of processes that i've been putting off. the consequences of this were most apparent when the lady updating my legal name on my driver's license asked if i wanted to update my title. i said "yes, of course please" and she typed some shit on her computer before sighing and responding "sorry, i actually can't change it to Miss since your birth certificate states your sex is male." fuuuuuuuuuuck... so these fuckwits say that i'm not legally able to stop being male until i can find someone to fuck around with these gonads i've been blessed (cursed) with? oh and these laws are still standing under the "more progressive" party's state leadership? wow that's so cool

outside force #2 - my partner... ughhh i don't really want to go into this one so i'll keep it short. i love my partner, she loves me. she loves me as a woman, she treats me like a woman, she even fucks me like i'm a woman but she's against "non-necessary surgery". she's scared of the risks and doesn't like the idea of me disliking a part of my body so much that i would undergo expensive, intensive surgery to change it. she's come around to "you do want you want" but i still can't discuss it with her and i really need to talk about this shit with someone (preferably with the person that knows me better than anyone else). i got questions like "do i find someone here or go to Thailand?", "do i want a full vagina or would i be happy with just a labia?", "how do i know this is what i really want?", "what does recovery look like?", "how will this impact our sex life?", and i can't answer them all on my own

(bonus round!) outside forces #3 - family. i've never liked the idea of the tracheal shave. i don't love the prominence of my larynx but i've never been told it looked bad. considering my entire appearance, it is the feature i pay the least attention to. yet, it seems like the closest family i have feel they have the right to ask "so are you going to get surgery for your _{Adam's apple}?" or casually drop "you know, nobody could tell if it wasn't for your _{Adam's apple}." i didn't know that people had the power to create a new dysphoria in my mind after months of transitioning but here we are ¯\(ツ)/¯

so what can we learn from all of this? idfk; death to cis, abolish gender, fuck the state? if you have better ideas do let me know :3. i'm not feeling too sad about most of this, mainly just angry but without any kind of outlet (except you peeps, ily trans mega <3)

Shit, see CIS WOMEN need fucking CLASSES to learn this shit, even! It isn't real, it was made up BY A GUY

yeahhhhh fuck that guy

Trying to mold your appearance and presentation to the whims and perceptions of transphobes does not seem that cash money, and also they should die.

i know and definitely fuck transphobes, but i think my anxiety tries to assume everyone thinks like one. they were shit examples too, my mind was traveling somewhere else but i was trying to highlight how much i think about passing. it's so exhausting. i'm sure it well get better with time though, i can hope

best not to read

i was initially a bit shocked by the ending but i let the afterward play and was satisfied with the reasoning. i do really like the representations of "pre" and "post" transition thing. Maria kind of awestruck me for the first half before i realised how much closer i was to James' end of that particular part of the journey. but dear god, i hope that one day i can feel as comfortable in my gender as Maria does

also i really liked the traffic light analogy, which made the fact it was stolen even funnier

just came off a 3 week t break. i love making loose plans for what to do but my partner is hopeless at it. they always end up doomscrolling or napping lol. for me planning an anime to watch or a cozy game to play makes me look forward to it more

omg, Arin is right every single time, i love her

The whole time, you're fighting "bandits", but that mission has you fighting bandits with a pirate!

yeah, not to mention my party looting all their shit and even graverobbing like goddamn

and tysm for the tip, i'll make sure to do that!