Maybe it is more than an instance. Maybe it is an idea, a world-historical vanguard, light itself. 
actual attempt to answer (cringe)
We’ve been around for three years on a lemmy fork before federation. The lack of federation for years as well as the place we splintered off from (/r/chapotraphouse) already having a unique microculture within Reddit has given this instance, in my opinion, a distinct culture compared to general-purpose and even other hobbyist instances.
Regarding specifics, Hexbear is a vehemently queer-friendly/intersectional anti-sectarian socialist instance. Check us out 
But plurality and otherkin aren't my gender. There's a lot of intersectionality but it's its own thing too. I thought nonbinary gender was more accepted than otherkin
abstractly, yes but the specifics confuse cis people I think
Yeah, it's always "I support nonbinary people" until they hear what any nonbinary gender actually is. Then straight back to transphobia, do not pass go, do not collect 200$
I think I would have been treated just the same if I were cactusgender, diamondgender, or spacegender.
you're probably right. hopefully it's better now.