Does anybody else do this?

I've finally realized that the weird imbalance I feel in every relationship I actually care about is that I am far more deeply interested in other people than they are me. I've come to the realization that I make other people a special interest for myself, and that it hurts me when they don't reciprocate this thing that they admittedly never asked for but do happily soak up.

What do?

I'm finally going to have to scrape up the money for therapy and the courage to actually talk to someone other than an anonymous internet rando about this, aren't I? You guys can't actually tell me the magic words to fix me, right?

I am not loving it

  • ReadFanon [any, any]
    ·
    1 year ago

    My question is - is this a special interest or is it emblematic of a deep form of masking?

    I'd say that people who skew towards high masking, e.g. AFAB folks, women, and late-diagnosed autistic people, are much more inclined towards extending their masking into their intimate relationships where it goes from curating a superficial personality and mode of self-expression to be palatable to the people who you are around into something where your intimate relationships define a lot about who you are and what you do to the exclusion of your needs, your interests, and your independence.

    In effect this often closely resembles a lot of what is seen in a codependent relationship.

    The reason why I ask this is because you mentioned that it isn't reciprocated. It might be worth really digging into what reciprocation truly means to you in this respect and exploring whether or not this is a healthy way of having a relationship.