I don't know how to live with only allowing some politics into my life. I cannot navigate the extremes of escapism vs awareness.

In escapism and avoidance of news I can be 'happy' to an extent. Surface level. All sugar. Nothing to sustain me. Jumping from one rush of dopamine to the next. Play a game, buy something, drink, smoke, watch another rehash of a popular piece of media. Rinse and repeat until death, contributing nothing but a mountain of plastic to this sick Earth.

Alternatively, I immerse myself in the ills of the world. The sheer amount of suffering surrounding me. Those without a place to call home, ignored or hated by their fellows. The masses who live in that escapism because they feel the same as me, at some level, but turn inwards to avoid confronting it. Convince themselves that things will work themselves out. That the adults are at the wheel and are doing what's best. Or others still, too focused on the requirements of survival for themselves and their families to think about anything more. Knowing in their core that no one will pick them up if they fall.

For all the good I see happening, it seems there is twice as much bad to destroy it. To maintain the status quo. To watch as our world slowly dies or to dump fuel to the fire. The solutions to me are clear, and the symptoms of these problems are widely recognized across the world but the mechanisms for addressing them are blocked. We are told to believe global politic is a zero sum game. That there must be winners and loser and that we cannot cooperate for the betterment of all. Even the understanding that this evil system is circling the drain brings me no joy for it is doing its best to take everything beautiful with it. Extinction after extinction, natural wonders lost to time. A clock rapidly approaching a point of no return.

I don't know how to end this. I want to have an optimism of the spirit, but it is so damn hard. I cannot dedicate the time I want to the things I find important because I'm too busy studying for something I don't want to do while working to make someone else rich in a field that only contributes to the misery of many, albeit many steps removed. I cannot seem to square my morals with my existence while continuing to provide for those who depend on me. I'm decently well off and comfortable yet hate so much of my life because it all feels so pointless which adds to my guilt for not even being able to do something with it.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED Talk.