I know that this is going to resemble an argument that the anti-science types make for how Big Pharma is suppressing the cure for cancer because a sick customer is a return customer but...
Dating apps are based on engagement. Engagement on a dating app is based on your being single (generally speaking) and feeling incapable of connecting with people outside of the app.
So you have this situation where punters use dating apps to connect with people and to find relationships and yet the design of the app exists in complete opposition to these aims as it requires that you stay single and to not connect with others.
With that in mind, the fact that your experience of dating apps was really negative and harmful shouldn't come as any surprise. You can look at it as if this is a reflection of some sort of personal deficit on your behalf but I'm not convinced tbh.
I think my experience of slot machines is similar to yours, and maybe as a metaphor this works well too, but I knew people who would enjoy playing slot machines. Or at least that's what they reported. I think I've played them twice in my life total, as in putting in a dollar and playing a couple of rounds and then walking away disaffected by the experience. (Disaffected in the true meaning of the word btw.)
Maybe it's because I'm autistic or something but I really hated the overstimulation, all the flashing lights and blaring sound and the background clamour. I couldn't understand how the game worked or the mechanics behind it and it left me feeling confused and uneasy. It was all frenetic and uncomfortable for me. If I stayed at it for more than a few minutes I'm sure it would have had some negative effects on me commensurate with how long I played it for. I suspect that slot machines are designed this way to make people on edge and kinda frantic to put them into a state which makes them susceptible to just one more game (and they are designed as elaborate and exquisitely refined Skinner boxes, of course.)
I don't think that there's something wrong with me personally that meant I had a negative experience with slot machines. I think they're weird, uncomfortable, exploitative machines. And I have a lot of sympathy for the people who enjoy them or who get addicted to them but I don't consider those people as having personal qualities that make them somehow better than I am for it.
Maybe there are few people who hit the jackpot with slot machines and another small group who truly enjoy them but I think they're few and far between.
Persistence is an admirable trait generally but persisting under conditions which are seriously harmful to your wellbeing is not. Maybe your experience of dating apps is a reflection of the fact that you're more aware of your own needs and you figured out that dating apps are bad for you, where someone who is more persistent would have continued to persevere despite the negative impacts on them?
Maybe your experience of dating apps is a reflection of the fact that you're more aware of your own needs and you figured out that dating apps are bad for you, where someone who is more persistent would have continued to persevere despite the negative impacts on them?
I think this makes sense. What makes me feel particularly bad about Tinder is how you were treated as a huge weirdo (at least a couple years back, but still a bit now) if you were not actively swiping away, trying to get laid. I suppose this is a general feeling that I have, as someone with very low libido and who no longer drinks. If you're not drinking and/or fucking, you're doing things wrong.
This is why I said I didn't know whether or not I should be glad that the popularity of Tinder is fading. For me, that's one less expectation that other people put on me (or maybe that's just my own twisted perception). For others, it's probably the end of something that actually brought them positive, meaningful relationships - I have two friends who have married their Tinder dates.
I know that this is going to resemble an argument that the anti-science types make for how Big Pharma is suppressing the cure for cancer because a sick customer is a return customer but...
Dating apps are based on engagement. Engagement on a dating app is based on your being single (generally speaking) and feeling incapable of connecting with people outside of the app.
So you have this situation where punters use dating apps to connect with people and to find relationships and yet the design of the app exists in complete opposition to these aims as it requires that you stay single and to not connect with others.
With that in mind, the fact that your experience of dating apps was really negative and harmful shouldn't come as any surprise. You can look at it as if this is a reflection of some sort of personal deficit on your behalf but I'm not convinced tbh.
I think my experience of slot machines is similar to yours, and maybe as a metaphor this works well too, but I knew people who would enjoy playing slot machines. Or at least that's what they reported. I think I've played them twice in my life total, as in putting in a dollar and playing a couple of rounds and then walking away disaffected by the experience. (Disaffected in the true meaning of the word btw.)
Maybe it's because I'm autistic or something but I really hated the overstimulation, all the flashing lights and blaring sound and the background clamour. I couldn't understand how the game worked or the mechanics behind it and it left me feeling confused and uneasy. It was all frenetic and uncomfortable for me. If I stayed at it for more than a few minutes I'm sure it would have had some negative effects on me commensurate with how long I played it for. I suspect that slot machines are designed this way to make people on edge and kinda frantic to put them into a state which makes them susceptible to just one more game (and they are designed as elaborate and exquisitely refined Skinner boxes, of course.)
I don't think that there's something wrong with me personally that meant I had a negative experience with slot machines. I think they're weird, uncomfortable, exploitative machines. And I have a lot of sympathy for the people who enjoy them or who get addicted to them but I don't consider those people as having personal qualities that make them somehow better than I am for it.
Maybe there are few people who hit the jackpot with slot machines and another small group who truly enjoy them but I think they're few and far between.
Persistence is an admirable trait generally but persisting under conditions which are seriously harmful to your wellbeing is not. Maybe your experience of dating apps is a reflection of the fact that you're more aware of your own needs and you figured out that dating apps are bad for you, where someone who is more persistent would have continued to persevere despite the negative impacts on them?
I think this makes sense. What makes me feel particularly bad about Tinder is how you were treated as a huge weirdo (at least a couple years back, but still a bit now) if you were not actively swiping away, trying to get laid. I suppose this is a general feeling that I have, as someone with very low libido and who no longer drinks. If you're not drinking and/or fucking, you're doing things wrong.
This is why I said I didn't know whether or not I should be glad that the popularity of Tinder is fading. For me, that's one less expectation that other people put on me (or maybe that's just my own twisted perception). For others, it's probably the end of something that actually brought them positive, meaningful relationships - I have two friends who have married their Tinder dates.