Generally speaking, women do not talk to people they are not interesting in being friends with. If they put in the effort of a one-on-one conversation and they aren't actively trying to get away, it means they like you.
That's what I want to think when I match with someone. But then the conversation inevitably fizzles out like it does for you (except not with me asking them out for lunch, I never feel like there's enough rapport even for that). Which leaves me to think that none of these girls actually enjoyed talking to me.
One thing I've realized about online dating is that your matches usually (1) Have horrible attention spans and (2) Want instant gratification.
In my experience, if you don't manage to meet up the night you match, your odds of ever meeting trend quickly towards 0. If you don't at least set a date the night you match, your odds of ever meeting up might as well be 0.
There's a current of thought that the best way to use dating apps is to go slow, let them get comfortable with you, and after you've been chatting for a week and you've gotten to know each other, you make a date to meet. This is great in theory, but in practice she will get bored and either ghost you or switch to asynchronous, "reply to your message the next day" mode after anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days. This isn't because you're ugly or boring (though that might be true, I don't know you), it's because everyone has shit attention spans by default and the majority of women just don't have the same desperation for sex that men do that keeps us engaged.
So, yeah - be as fast as possible (but don't be pushy), and cast a wide net. If you've got multiple matches at the same time don't be afraid to tell 6 people "Hey I'm free tomorrow want to meet up" because more likely than not 5-6 of them are going to flake. One of my big mistakes early on was setting aside a day to meet up with someone only to have them cancel and then I just spend the day home alone. If you want to actually get a date in a reasonable amount of time, you need to make plans with multiple people for the same day and be okay with possibly being the one who has to cancel on someone.
yeah, makes sense. I admit I don't feel terribly engaged by the whole "get to know someone over text messages on a horrible app over the course of a few weeks" thing, either. But I'm really shy so it's all I've ever tried.
That's what I want to think when I match with someone. But then the conversation inevitably fizzles out like it does for you (except not with me asking them out for lunch, I never feel like there's enough rapport even for that). Which leaves me to think that none of these girls actually enjoyed talking to me.
One thing I've realized about online dating is that your matches usually (1) Have horrible attention spans and (2) Want instant gratification.
In my experience, if you don't manage to meet up the night you match, your odds of ever meeting trend quickly towards 0. If you don't at least set a date the night you match, your odds of ever meeting up might as well be 0.
There's a current of thought that the best way to use dating apps is to go slow, let them get comfortable with you, and after you've been chatting for a week and you've gotten to know each other, you make a date to meet. This is great in theory, but in practice she will get bored and either ghost you or switch to asynchronous, "reply to your message the next day" mode after anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days. This isn't because you're ugly or boring (though that might be true, I don't know you), it's because everyone has shit attention spans by default and the majority of women just don't have the same desperation for sex that men do that keeps us engaged.
So, yeah - be as fast as possible (but don't be pushy), and cast a wide net. If you've got multiple matches at the same time don't be afraid to tell 6 people "Hey I'm free tomorrow want to meet up" because more likely than not 5-6 of them are going to flake. One of my big mistakes early on was setting aside a day to meet up with someone only to have them cancel and then I just spend the day home alone. If you want to actually get a date in a reasonable amount of time, you need to make plans with multiple people for the same day and be okay with possibly being the one who has to cancel on someone.
yeah, makes sense. I admit I don't feel terribly engaged by the whole "get to know someone over text messages on a horrible app over the course of a few weeks" thing, either. But I'm really shy so it's all I've ever tried.