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Sensitive documents have leaked online over the Nintendo game Splatoon 2. The highly classified documents which shared details of Israeli losses during their incredibly unpopular war with Hamas appeared as a drawing inside a speech bubble thought up by a player character who has now disappeared.
The speech bubble contained a link to a pastebin with one paragraph of text identified to be a leaked message from a Hamas group chat; “sensitive documents - born to die - world is a f*** - 200 trillion dead IDF soldiers - kill em all 2024 - I am based man.”
The IDF press team told Fakenews reporters “These numbers, although false, give an insight into the Hamas recruitment model. We know they've been using online games as a way to spread their propaganda and this game is no exception. We have asked Nintendo to shut the servers until the conflict in-game doesn't reflect the situation in Gaza.” A Nintendo spokesperson has denied any involvement on working with the IDF and claims “We will not be shutting down the servers and believe this was not a genuine leak.”
When asked if they condemn Hamas, representatives for Nintendo responded “We condemn video game piracy.”
Anonymous junior reporter for Fake News News (FNN) overheard saying "fuck it, I'm just going to go The Spectators website, search up 'woke', copy and paste the first opinion piece that comes up and pretend I wrote it as a parody of TERF island media". FNN later put out a statement reiterating their commitment to high standards of journalism and confirming that said junior reporter had been sentenced to death via being tied in a bag and thrown into a pool of deadly vegan alligators.
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