I'm rubbing shoulders with the upper middle class and rich people again.

We had dinner with this woman who talked about how futile it is to tell kids in inner city music programs that theyll be in major symphonies. I liked this lady, she seemed to have a pretty grounded head. These kids don't have private teachers everyday, they don't study with the best teachers, they don't go to fancy camps and programs. And it's true, it's responsible to tell these kids this, especially when they become some universities piggy bank and are saddled with debt forever.

It's true, painfully so because I am even worse than these kids. I didn't even have the inner city youth program to lie to me. I am that much of an idiot. I am a dumb hick loser bred to power the capitalist machine.

I don't know why I exist sometimes, it's for music but I am so irrelevant and the adversity is so high that I feel like I'm wasting the life that isn't even mine. I don't even have a speaking role in other peoples movies, how do people go through life not considering how the rest of us feel? I feel like I should quit music and holding onto the idea of getting really good is futile and more pain than its worth.