I've been speaking some time with an obviously ND person. I'm not sure exactly what they struggle with, but it's outwardly noticeable as such (kind of stumbling around, shaking, general social awkwardness, sometimes having outbursts). They also have explicit hearing problems.
We were in a larger group making small talk, and they asked me to repeat what I said, to which I reponded, "oh, nothing important". They responded immediately "isn't it the listener who should decide what's important?" which I accepted and then did repeat what I said.
Their instant response signaled to me either that they often have the same situation where people don't want to bother reprating themselves, and/or that they are much more mentally lucid than I prejudiciallly assumed.
Then I thought, isn't one of the core aspects of social awkwardness that you don't understand the situation you are in? That you can't even hear what people are saying? And then if people don't even bother repeating themselves upon request, wouldn't you feel that people don't value you, thus compounding alienation, anxiety, etc? This is obviously where I am part of the problem.
And all this because I don't like repeating myself, to ND/hearing-impaired people or not. I don't like having to raise my voice. The prospect of not being able to hear things is not something I ever have had to consider.
Anyone else have experiences like this? Know the view from the other side? Am I making sense?
Saw this last night and I wanted to give a thoughtful response.
My partner has an auditory processing disorder and I have ADHD. Sometimes he has trouble hearing and/or processing and sometimes and I can ramble or mumble. We are a quite a duo haha. But, in all seriousness, I quite frequently have to repeat myself in speaking with him and I constantly need to remind myself that this is the reality. He also admits that he frequently asks "what?" as a reflex even if he does hear. I think it's a common tic among those with auditory processing disorders.
My experience when I need to repeat something he hasn't heard and I'm tempted to say "oh it's nothing important" is to instead rephrase what I'm saying more cogently. I recognize that it's very possible that the reason the thing I said wasn't heard was my own fault. Not speaking clearly, just blabbering, or just saying the first thing to come to my head. I instead, stop, think about what I said, find a clearer way to phrase it and repeat it. If it's really not important, I'll usually stick with something like "sorry I misspoke, what were you saying?" or "I need to think about what I really want to say before I respond" saying something like "oh nevermind" or "forget it" can come off as very passive aggressive, especially in a romantic relationship.
I've also learned that this is also a good tactic for people where English is not their first language. Language or processing barriers are not people's faults and you can always do something to make things a bit easier for both parties when communicating. Not sure if this is helpful, but I wanted to convey my experience to you.