I've got a degree in engineering. I love engineering, programming, electronics, CAD and physical prototype design. I love identifying problems and figuring out requirements and designing something to solve it. I know I'm really good at it, but I can only really perform what feels like 20% of the time.
I'll get into some hyper focus for some problem, learn some complex technology, solve the problem, then not be able to look at tech for weeks. This is cool for hobby stuff but man I gotta work too.
I find it nearly impossible to work on things which I don't find personally interesting which isn't good because most "work" isn't interesting whatsoever. I envy people who are able to just go "ah time to do this boring thing" and they just fucking do it. It genuinely feels impossible to just start.
I'm medicated for ADHD but it feels like it only works like 20-30% of the time. The rest of the time my eyes just lose focus and I stare blankly at a screen waiting for hours to pass.
I don't know how to make this work for me either. I know theoretically I could be a prototype engineer, the type of freelance generalist who gets an idea out and disappears but I don't know how to network sufficiently enough to do that. I've got a good job right now, but COL is so high and full remote isn't possible so I'll always be living in a small apartment or be in so much debt I'll never be able to retire.
I want to do more hardware stuff but that's so rarely a remote type job and offices just hurt my soul with how uncomfortable I am all day long. I could probably make a living as a software engineer but I don't know if I'd be able to keep up any kind of pace long term that would let me keep my job.
I almost want to take a stab at doing youtube videos and see if I can make a handful of neat projects that get me a sponsor. enough to score a house in a rundown rustbelt town and be able to fuck off and work at my own pace without the impending doom of rent or mortgage staring me down.
I drink plenty of water, jog when its warm, use a pomodoro timer when I remember. I learned the fundamentals of Rust in a weekend, designed and manufactured a run of PCBs in under 3 months. I just can't keep that momentum going, even if I try to slow down.
thanks for letting me rant. Its not lost on me how privileged I am in this scenario. I'm quite lucky and comfortable but it terrifies me how even someone doing well like myself can't see an exit off this awful ride.
I have a job in tech, a fairly niche area that has limited mobility, which leaves me stuck in a geographical area I don't enjoy living in working with certain personalities I don't enjoy working with. This is partially me being a baby but my personality clashes a lot with the kinds of personalities the area attracts. I really enjoy the subject matter but the general psychic toll it takes to work on it isn't worth it. I rather do something else and do this as a hobby without stakes.
I still like what I went to school for and find myself tinkering more often than playing games. I think I'm frustrated to the extent I must retrain myself to exit my current field. Basically like taking on a second job which really saps the joy out of the learning.
It's not generally that difficult to switch engineering fields, you just have to be able to sell your experience and knowledge as relevant. I know electrical engineers working exclusively in software, robotics engineers working in semiconductor manufacturing, biomedical engineers working as electrical engineers. Now, right now it might be a little difficult to do so, because a lot of tech and engineering companies seem to be wary of actually hiring on (my boss is basically on a hiring freeze, but they're shuffling people around to avoid having to train new people after recovering from hypothetical layoffs). I'm not sure what the next year will hold, but I've become more discrete in my workplace organizing because I feel like the writing is on the wall right now and I swear every other engineer is a fucking chud.
I’m not saying abandon the job that puts food on the table. What I am saying is you should start looking for other jobs or try reconciling with your coworkers. Because it’ll only get worse until you change something. And that change will not come externally. Best of luck.