So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn't care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.

I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren't for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn't work.

I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend's pee but then I learned that you're actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn't work either.

So basically I'm fucked and I don't know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don't know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?

Also, idk how relevant this is but I'm 5'9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.

  • Hello_Kitty_enjoyer [none/use name]
    ·
    edit-2
    11 months ago

    Okay OP, witness my genius

    1. get a friends pee
    2. get 50% of it to evaporate
    3. bring it with you to the bathroom
    4. put hot water from the faucet into the concentrated room-temperature pee, making up for the 50% that evaporated

    Now you have perfect piss at body temperature

    (I don't smoke btw)

    • Hello_Kitty_enjoyer [none/use name]
      ·
      11 months ago

      Maybe the restroom might not have hot water? got you covered

      get some hot water from a 7/11 beforehand. They'll probably give it to you in a paper coffee cup.

      empty the hot water into a water bottle. If asked, just say you're drinking it

      bring it with you in the bathroom and use to dilute the concentrated pee