I'm doing sales training and reading books on the topic and they converge to consensus to agree about verbal bridges "hmmm, yes, sure, absolutely, fair enough." I don't even want to shit on it because the emphasis always seems to be on increasing your capacity to listen to others, help them feel understood, and be curious about them whether it's because they have a problem you can solve or, as I've felt in my life, because they want to talk about themselves. If more people stopped waiting for their turn to talk and started asking people to dig into what they just said, the world would be a better place, so fair play as far as I'm concerned.
The orthodox methods seems as if the primary purpose of eye contact is more clear communication. Basically, less than half of communication is the words you use. It's the difference between "press the communism button" like Joe Biden can do at any moment because he has one on his desk. And "PRESS THE COMMUNISM BUTTON" because the building is collapsing around you and the Dark Brandon Bots are breaking through the firey rubble so it's our only chance.
To that end, your tonality and body language combine to make the majority of what people take away from you. I've had it asserted that your facial expressions are the steering wheel to your tonality, so if you want use tones like curious, skeptical, and challenging or another suite like in control, happy, and late night DJ, then you'll be contorting your face. THEREFORE eye contact is often important to pick up on cues as to what message someone is sending. Essentially, the answer to whether they're asking you to press the communism button on your desk or the Dark Brandon Bots are breaking through the rubble is written on their face. So if you get the memo, you don't have to keep looking for it in their eyes, you can stop staring. If you don't find any expression on their face, it might be a cue to get them to elaborate on how they're feeling/what they're thinking.
If you're both on the pier looking at the sunset, surely you don't ignore the sunset to stare at their side profile, maybe just look over at a point of emphasis. So it's all relative and it depends. Sometimes portraying you have a flat affect and only the words need to be the focus is the message. Other times you can use a curious tone to pry at why someone close to you is upset.
I hope this helps to make eye contact seem less arbitrary and simply societal expectation.
I'm doing sales training and reading books on the topic and they converge to consensus to agree about verbal bridges "hmmm, yes, sure, absolutely, fair enough." I don't even want to shit on it because the emphasis always seems to be on increasing your capacity to listen to others, help them feel understood, and be curious about them whether it's because they have a problem you can solve or, as I've felt in my life, because they want to talk about themselves. If more people stopped waiting for their turn to talk and started asking people to dig into what they just said, the world would be a better place, so fair play as far as I'm concerned.
The orthodox methods seems as if the primary purpose of eye contact is more clear communication. Basically, less than half of communication is the words you use. It's the difference between "press the communism button" like Joe Biden can do at any moment because he has one on his desk. And "PRESS THE COMMUNISM BUTTON" because the building is collapsing around you and the Dark Brandon Bots are breaking through the firey rubble so it's our only chance.
To that end, your tonality and body language combine to make the majority of what people take away from you. I've had it asserted that your facial expressions are the steering wheel to your tonality, so if you want use tones like curious, skeptical, and challenging or another suite like in control, happy, and late night DJ, then you'll be contorting your face. THEREFORE eye contact is often important to pick up on cues as to what message someone is sending. Essentially, the answer to whether they're asking you to press the communism button on your desk or the Dark Brandon Bots are breaking through the rubble is written on their face. So if you get the memo, you don't have to keep looking for it in their eyes, you can stop staring. If you don't find any expression on their face, it might be a cue to get them to elaborate on how they're feeling/what they're thinking.
If you're both on the pier looking at the sunset, surely you don't ignore the sunset to stare at their side profile, maybe just look over at a point of emphasis. So it's all relative and it depends. Sometimes portraying you have a flat affect and only the words need to be the focus is the message. Other times you can use a curious tone to pry at why someone close to you is upset.
I hope this helps to make eye contact seem less arbitrary and simply societal expectation.