I just have to get this off my chest but I can't talk about it too anyone who knows me in real life.

About ten years I started a new job an instantly hit off with a co-worker. We had a ton of similar interests and she was super easy for my anti social self to talk too And holy shit the level of pure chemistry we had, I didn't even know that was possible. Only problem was I was married and she was engaged.

Over the next couple years we managed to keep our hands off each other only because one of us anyways had to stay sober enough to drop the other off and we both knew drunk consent isn't consent. We became the kinda friends that know things about each other no other person does. But things never went farther than the rare nude or a hand that would linger too long in passing.

Once I quit that job we both broke off all contact and I haven't talked to her since. I'm married thirteen years now, last I checked she was married with kids. And yet I still can't get her out of my mind. All of my best dreams are about her. I honestly think that if there was one thing I could fix about my life it would be to go back and make it work with her.

This is a really shitty feeling I haven't been able to get over for ten years. Maybe getting it out there will help and this ain't the kind of shit I could tell anyone in real life.

  • sooper_dooper_roofer [none/use name]
    ·
    4 months ago

    Cosmic levels of synchronicity, this happened to me this week! Also had ridiculous bouts of synchronicity happen right before and right after I contacted her, including having the following songs play in succession:

    "I don't know if you got a man or not..."
    "...you know how long I've been on ya? Since Prince was on Apollonia....Don't act like I never told ya"
    (I told her I liked her 18 years ago, then I "got over it" until I wasn't anymore)

    "oh suza-nna"
    (self explanatory)

    "for 10 years, we've been on our own"
    (haven't talked to her since 2015)

    And right after I contacted her, I clicked on an article which turned out to be written by a girl who looks just like her
    There's more but the synch was so wild I can't even list all of it

    only reason I didn't get over her after 2005, was because she sent me texts in 2011 where she described how her academic career wasn't going well, and she came off as very emotionally vulnerable. In HS she was a straight A+ student, very "non-neurotic", never showed any sort of emotional distress, etc.
    I think the contrast against her usual self, and the fact that she confided in me, made me start liking her again. She also asked me to stay overnight at her dorm once, and I couldn't understand if that was ever intended to be a romantic invitation or not, and I was afraid to ask (I ended up not going though)
    I just found out she's been going steady for almost 10 years (basically the same date when I stopped talking to her), met the guy in 2014, and they're getting married this year.

    I don't think I actually like her anymore, after talking to her. I like the version of her that used to exist. She sounds different and acts different. Haven't actually seen her yet but I'm almost certain she looks different too (not talking about just age). But I keep regretting the past and thinking about how things might've been different if I'd acted. And how she might've turned out different if those events had unfolded. Then again maybe I'm just in wishful thinking mode and all our interactions were totally platonic from her perspective

    Another possible synchronicity: I knew a guy in 2021. Very close friend relationship based on same interests. He was super schizo and flighty. He cut me off in Feb 2022. This year at the end of Jan 2024, (almost 2 years exact) he got back in touch with a mutual friend (not me though, and didn't want to talk to me).
    Part of the reason for his cutting me off, was that his schizotypal traits were pushed to the limit from a similar situation. He did something in 2021 where he messed with a girl he'd been with long back--she had a boyfriend whom she was about to marry--and she actually came back to him and wanted to be with my friend, and then the boyfriend + all her girlfriends got mad and apparently started stalking him, sending him threats, and supposedly even hacking his computer.
    This sent him over the edge and he got super creeped out about even talking to me, or our mutual friends, and he cut us off in 2022. His exlover ended up marrying the guy she had been planning to.

    • sooper_dooper_roofer [none/use name]
      ·
      edit-2
      4 months ago

      Sorry for the blogpost OP

      I think yours might be harder because it was more clear there were actually reciprocating feelings. If I knew that the girl never cared about me or ever thought about me/considered me as a possibility in any way, then the feelings would evaporate instantly