https://bsky.app/profile/nappydolemite.bsky.social/post/3koucecwxfh2w
My first title worked flawlessly in my head but not at all when I wrote it out...
AQAB? All Questioners Are Bastards?
https://bsky.app/profile/nappydolemite.bsky.social/post/3koucecwxfh2w
My first title worked flawlessly in my head but not at all when I wrote it out...
AQAB? All Questioners Are Bastards?
Just speaking personally, questions that are super broad like that trigger my social anxiety super hard. The more possible answers I have to a question the harder it is to answer it, especially if I'm trying to use the subject as a springboard for a real conversation and not just listing things out about myself while the other person stares blankly until I crumple into awkward silence, which of course is what inevitably happens after overthinking this. But I'm a socially inept bundle of neuroses so I guess your mileage may vary
Gotta use that opportunity to disgorge as much information at them as possible. Make them regret asking dumb questions, make them pay
This is helpful for me to know. Thanks.
Could you just pick one and talk about that? You don't actually have to list them all out. You could even pick it ahead of time so it's not so much pressure. Since this is a recurring problem for you?
Yeah, I mean I know intellectually I don't have to list them all out and that's not actually, really, what I'm being asked for when someone asks this. And over the years I've gotten better, generally, at just picking something and running with it. It's if that first answer doesn't land though, that the panic sets in and I get this self destructive feeling like I have to justify my whole life, to prove that yes, actually, I am fun and I do fun things and have fun hobbies, please believe me. And ultimately what that really means is that person and I probably just aren't meant to be friends, but damned if I can tell my brain that in the moment
I don't know if this will help you much, but one of my autism masking strategies has been to pre-script responses to common social anxiety triggers. I'm not saying you're autistic, of course—just that our anxieties about socializing may intersect here.
I'll lay out my script for this specific question to give you an idea of what I mean:
I try to break the initial tension with a joke answer. Currently I'm pretty fond of, "Well, I am a clergyman in The Church of the Flat Earth. You gotta go visit the Ice Wall on the edge some time!" In the past I've also used, "Dedicated Bigfoot paparazzi," or, "Seven Eleven was an inside job."
That usually gets a polite chuckle, and I walk it back with a, "But, seriously..." and then I introduce one of my actual current hobbies, but I choose one that's the least weird. Right now, that's painting miniatures. But I frame it in a semi-jokey way, as, "I paint lil army guys sometimes."
3.0. Here the conversation forks. If they respond neutrally or positively, I'll explain what exactly mini painting is. I'll emphasize normie benefits, like how relaxing it is, and how it's really gratifying to produce a piece of unique art so quickly. Or how 3D printing at the public library has made it so much more affordable, because it used to be a rich nerd hobby thanks to Games Workshop's virtual monopoly on the space.
3.1. They react negatively, or generally radiate rancid vibes. I drop a self-deprecating, "Yeah, it's REALLY nerdy." then pivot to the most normie normie hobby I have thst ever normied: my pets. Depending on the person, I'll either emphasize how fun it is to wrassle with my dog and see what kind of stupid tricks I can make him do, or how adorable my cats are and how I can watch them be little weirdos every day.
4.0. From here I can usually pivot to a different topic. I typically turn it back on them ("What do YOU do for fun?") so I can stop talking and regroup. Conversation successfully navigated.
4.1. Or, they're still giving off rancid vibes, in which case I try to have a plausible reason to extricate myself from the conversation immediately. That's going to vary by context. If all else fails, dig into your pocket, grab your phone, drop a, "Hang on a sec. I gotta deal with (insert thing here that applies to your life). I'll be back in a bit." and just bail. Chances are good at this point they're a real piece of shit, and won't voluntarily re-engage.
I know you didn't ask for advice, but your situation resonated with my own experiences, and I thought it might be helpful to share.
Thank you for this write up