Whenever people and the mainstream media talk about "The trauma of COVID" they always mean the lockdowns and not the... you know... millions of deaths.
Well I have trauma about the deaths. I have trauma about the way our society was manipulated into sacrificing a huge chunk of the population with a smile and a wave, and how we just don't talk about it.
This same society still expects you to be horrified by the violence of 9/11 or whatever when the US alone was experiencing a 9/11 level of death every day and the disease is still killing, we just don't bother recording the spread anymore. What the fuck is wrong with people?!
I literally get (for lack of a better word) triggered when people talk about how hard it was to have to have to wear a mask or to not get a haircut or some selfish bullshit. Or when they act as though their kids remote learning for a while ruined them or something. It's all so petty. They just don't give a shit. They'd kill millions for a haircut. It makes my heart sink, my eyes glaze and I start dissociating.
Imagine if this was the blitzkrieg, and instead of going to bomb shelters people were just like "I'm sick of hearing about these bombings, I'm just going to pretend they're not happening and leave it up to fate." And then the bomb shelters are all closed and even the people who still wanted to take shelter are left to fend for themselves. What madness would have that been if they had done that during WW2? Dragging people into the street to be bombed?
I don't care if you were sick of lockdowns or restrictions! Fighting a pandemic should have been like fighting a war, we should have been doing everything we could to survive!
I am scared of these people. These brainwashed puppets. These eugenicists. If they can do this, well... it makes me feel surrounded by monsters. Like I can't trust anyone.
I do the whole :internally-screaming: thing a lot. Like just full on rage yelling monologues where my face contorts and I get myself into a mood and need to calm down. I'm very worried it's gonna slip out one day and lose the last few friends I have or get me kicked out of my family I live with.
And yeah, I totally think about world wars and the shit that they went through for years and then everybody around us threw away the lives of millions and are cutting their own short because they wanted to go to Olive Garden and fucking Disney World.
I'd never been reduced to hissing, spitting, and howling rage until the pandemic and how our 'betters' 'handled' it tbh. I genuinely don't know how I manage to mask in front of people anymore either. Like, I 'joke' about Jokerfication all the time but god help me I think it's happening
I feel ya. I was "fortunate" enough that my inner rage at the system, the rest of my family, and reality was really cultivated while acting as caregiver for my grandparents in their final years which culminated to its, unrelated to covid, conclusion in early April of 2020. And then I never really got to grieve, but there was a brief respite, because there was a month where I hoped that maybe the right thing was gonna happen... and then florida went out of lockdowns and Disney was open in July. It's just been screaming ever since. It's exhausting.
Also, I strongly suspect the people around me are losing their fucking minds.