HF autist, ADHD but sorta medicated(probably too low of a dose).

I've been trying to acknowledge/identify something that I feel has been having a lot of negative effects on my life lately. When I'm working on learning something or solving a problem, I'll often hit a point of frustration where all my interest to move past it is suddenly lost.

This will be something like dealing with something annoying at work. But also in creative pursuits, ie I slacked on practicing guitar for a couple weeks and now some knowledge I had is just gone and I'm frustrated I need to start a few steps back.

Things like games with few save points were never fun for me. On many occasions, I'd drop a game completely after forgetting to save and losing hours of progress.

Basically once I get this feeling of frustration, I glaze over and start feeling really tired and annoyed. Like I hit a wall and the only thing that stops it is going to sleep. A few times I've straight up gone to bed hours early just to avoid simmering in the frustration.

  • jaywalker [they/them, any]
    ·
    7 months ago

    I try to notice before my frustration escalates beyond the point of no return. If I do catch it early, I stop whatever I'm doing and go through a mental checklist of things I forget to do like pee, drink water, eat, etc. If I've done all that, I go outside or at least stare out of a window. If I still feel frustrated, I go for a walk and look for some newts in the creek by my house.

    I started making videos of the newts and other stuff around as a hobby and that has helped a lot. So when I get frustrated at work, I can just stop for a while and do some newt stuff and I guess because I get likes and followers and shit, the dopamine is there and I feel "accomplished" so it's not like I wasted my time by not doing my actual job.

    When I get frustrated unpredictably, like I can't possibly see it coming, I still try to follow the same technique, but it's wayyy more difficult to think clearly once I'm frazzled or whatever. Like I get in a loop of angrily repeating some phrase and I'll end up hitting myself, screaming, etc.

    I'm almost 40 and only found out about the autism+ a few years ago. I sometimes wonder how much easier life would be if I learned some of this as a kid and my parents weren't fucking psychopaths who hid my diagnosis from me. I also work from home and don't have to keep exact hours, so it's a lot easier for me to mold my life around meltdowns

    Edit: I'm also married to a fellow autistic person and we lean on each other a lot. Codependent af