vent post please ignore
I'm so sick of being a shameful social embarrassment, holy shit how pathetic do you have to be to be incapable of talking to people ON THE INTERNET
Fuck talking to people in general
I'm so sick of being a shameful social embarrassment, holy shit how pathetic do you have to be to be incapable of talking to people ON THE INTERNET
Fuck talking to people in general
Thank you, it's the getting embarrassed in public that murders me in cold blood. Like looking at it objectively, the thought process was
I want to talk about the thing and there is a big server for the thing, but the creator of the thing runs it
Ergo I will ask about something simple I don't understand, surely that'll be fine, hopefully the creator is alseep
It blew up in my face way more catastrophically than I think anyone could reasonably expect, I was freaking out anxious as I was having that disaster conversation. Looking back at it I realise I was somehow prodding nerves I didn't realise existed, and I also seem to have a random talent for pissing people off. So what did I do wrong? Try to talk about the thing in the place where the maker of the thing is. Nobody including me thinks it's a good idea to air out your criticisms of a thing at its creator, but I didn't even do that and yet I may as well have said "fuck you choke on my shit and hair" for how bad the reaction was. So lesson learned, don't talk there.
The problem is I still have fuckloads of thoughts days later, thinking about it still flips the fight-or-flight response and my hands go icy. It's thinking about being put in the Muted Time Out Zone by an irate person for trying to explain myself, it hits the "autism-mangles-communication" spot very hard. Shit hurts. It's also kind of thrown off my ability to engage with the thing and cratered my mood for the last few days...
I think my problem is it's impossible for me to treat any communications channel as a "space". Sometimes I deliberately zone into a Mastodon instance to post huge angry open letters at the admin because it just doesn't bother me.
I recommend reading fiction it gives a lot of perspective on life even if you're just kind of analyzing how it was written. I got stuck reading nonfiction for too long 2021-2023
Fiction allows me to kind of absorb other people's experiences in a cryptic way. Maybe I'm out of my fucking mind or maybe I'm over-explaining a basic concept familiar to everyone who did better in school ☺️
Wow, I respect your inability to be bothered by writing huge angry letters at admins, sounds non-stressful. Between the autism and such I'm basically not allowed to be angry at all or people will scream at me. Out of the many reasons I don't do much antagonising people these days, one of the big ones is I do not have the social energy to be fighting with people who think I am the great fuckin satan.
I am an enthusiastic reader of fiction, I've been reading novels and novellas and bits of internet fiction constantly for the last three years. The conflict I describe is ironically over someone's internet fic, so uh rip. Also I guarantee I did not do better than you in school lol