One year ago, I had the privilege to attend a very queer friendly event and probably saw the most trans people in one spot in my life. I wasn't out then and it broke my heart. The event was amazing but my only memory of it was lying on my side with my hands behind my back so I couldn't feel how flat my chest was. I just remember being paralyzed by dysphoria, crying in the middle of the night on a piece of concrete on a warm burgerland night promising myself that the next time I was there I'd be myself. Yesterday, I broke my promise. I'm still closeted. There isn't a material reason I haven't done this; I have parental support, I told them a while ago but they haven't brought it up since and I haven't had the courage to bring it up again. It's not the money or my state either, I'm in a good place for both of those. It's just me. I'm the only reason I haven't transitioned yet. I've known for the past 5 years or so and the last thing I want is to spend the next 5 wallowing in self-pity and internalized transphobia. But I don't think I have the strength to go forward and transition, even though I know the longer I wait the worse things get. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just don't know where to start.
What country are you in
For the most part you have to just go for it, starting is literally the hardest part. Everything else, voice training, dressing, passing, makeup, etc. is only a function of time and starting!
I told my primary doctor I am dysphoric about my gender and got an appointment with an endocrinologist for a consultation. A week later I got my blood drawn and we talked about my goals, then a little more than a week after that I got my pills. Way easier than I thought it would be! I expected I'd have to see a gatekeeper psychologist first but I guess my state isn't as bad as I thought? ymmv on that front