I know it’s a at best a useless mindset, as nothing will make me somehow magically get a new chance at those years. But it’s still a strong feeling and it’s still there.
I’m doing my best to push through it, I’m out there talking to people, but there’s usually a point where we are sharing personal anecdotes and I just feel my stomach tightening, as I barely have any of those. I have no experiences which means I have no identity which means I am uninteresting.
I'm becoming old, bitter, and insane about it.
Like i'm also still engaged in a search for medical interventions that will let me get back out in the streets causing problems, but that hasn't borne fruit so for the time being angry and bitter and unhinged is what i've got
i had such a whirlwind of both "too many experiences" followed by a horrible crash and the worst run of luck imaginable that ruined my life before 22 that i am so fucking happy to just be safe and friendless and loaded with a nice protective cocoon of social anxiety.
the streets fucked me over so hard i was not prepared