It's NOT because I'm fucking "lazy" though, it's a whole bunch of things.
Obviously there is executive dysfunction involved, like being fired back in mid April obliterated the life schedule I've had since I was 18, fuck I worked that place for a long time. Just being dumped back at home with nothing to reliably get up for, no occupation to put effort into, is disturbing and frankly it's alarming that I have any kind of consistent sleep schedule at all. Say "thank you wifey" to my wife for keeping me from becoming a completely unhinged 'neet'.
So I haven't even updated my resume or applied for jobs, for a ton of reasons. Partly it's because I am unemployable, like I have maybe the one reference from my supervisor at my previous job, that is it. I worked there like six years so Idk, what am I supposed to do? I do not have skills or anything, that stupid ass cleaning job was sort of it.
But primarily it's because I'm fuckin busted. The chronic pain (undiagnosed and unexplained pain at the base of the skull + pain in the sternum area, thought to be costochondritis + extreme fatigue and exhaustion all the time) started out five or so years ago as a mild annoyance, but at this point it's so bad that I can't even carry a load of laundry down the hall without risk of ending up in pain all day. That's with tramadol (yes I need different painkillers) too, without I'm borderline nonfunctional, only really capable of walking, and even then only for like 30mins at a time. What job could I even do like this? It has to get fucking solved, and I've been bothering my gp about it more. Several of my lengthy absences from work were taken with the hope of fixing this problem though, and years on it hasn't happened so I am not hopeful.
Basically I've been sitting on my ass because the painkillers aren't really powering my corpse anymore. I can only do this due to Employment Insurance money, no idea how long that'll last. I told em I'm unable to work due to illness or injury, which at this point is true, I got fired for taking too many breaks in the interest of not completely destroying my body. I want this fixed, it's getting worse.
I have been to specialists whose tests all say that I am such a fucking healthy and well-living young person :^)
We haven't really come to any treatment options, because wtf how do you treat "sternum bad and also skull maybe"? I did have a physio referral I didn't act on because uh, lack of spare time ig. My doc can cover those last two...
I have no skills or education lol! Also my autism is undiagnosed!! Oh man I am so fucking cooked, I guess this really is the end for me after all
Oof I'm sorry if that wasn't helpful :( there are other things they look at though! You'd likely report to them your daily functioning, such as not being able to lift much, difficulty walking, taking leave from work due to your disability, taking extra breaks and it still etc. Sometimes they do in person examinations as well, at least here, which can make a difference if they can't quote determine just by your records alone. Also this is all based off of US criteria again and I'll bet that it would be more lax where you are.
Also, while you've only had the one job, you managed to stay there for SIX YEARS! That's amazing to me, and I think would look good to prospective employers too, you stick around for the long haul. Besides my current job (almost 4 years), I've usually only stuck around for 2 years MAX, and I'm in my 30s. Also, it sounds like maybe you just need time right now to rest after doing what I assume was a really physically taxing job for so long, and you aren't lazy for that. Fuck western hustle culture for real
That's okay, I appreciate knowing what I'm up against. If daily functioning is a factor I'll win there, everythingI do hurts near enough :)
Oh you don't understand, I'm a nepo baby. I flunked the interview badly and only got the job because mommy dearest pulled some strings or rubbed some shoulders. Granted I always got good reviews and most people liked me but Idk. The tenure does look good fwiw. I need a job to live I will stick with it! Autism job hunt is stressful!!!
You're right about needing time to rest, I was physically busting my ass at that job physically and stressing constantly about getting fired, I'm fucking burnt. I wrote this post partly as self affirmation, lol
Ah yeah I feel you on the self affirmation; I too am autistic and help people apply for benefits as my job so I automatically jump into helper/problem solver mode which can be...maybe not the most helpful lol. Anyway I hope you're gentle with yourself and you'll get it sorted!
Huge fuckin props for that, Idk how you do it but you're a goddamn hero for that. Respect.
Ty, I'll try ✨