[CW: Fetishization on the Basis of Identity (Race, Transness, Etc.)]
I'm mainly talking about this in the context of race, but it applies to other categories such as trans people as well. My main issue with this is that this type of openness to accepting fetishization on the basis of identity enables toxic tendencies.
What I mean is that, for example, I'll sometimes see black men play into disturbing tropes like the "BBC" shit and this idea that they can tie their race into the notion of being some kind of sex god. And it's worse when you get white women who unironically identify as "snow bunnies" as a way to entertain this trope (which is just racist), and these black men who don't realize the problem with this will eat it up.
This isn't pleasant; it's just dehumanizing. This isn't just a problem for straight people either. Gay men, for instance, can have this toxic shit going on too. I understand that, especially when you're a part of a marginalized group, it can seem tempting to celebrate what seems to translate to you being a desirable person, even if it's on the basis of a creepy fetish, but that will ultimately do more harm than good.
I just hope these people come to realize that they're not taken as being a desirable "person" in these circumstances, but rather, a desirable object. These fetishists do not care about their humanity, and it is, first and foremost, their fault that this is a problem to begin with.
not the person you replied to but: This hypothetical isn't as useful as you think it is. There are of people of any ethnicity who have a good sense of humor and cook good food. If you are only attracted to asians then you value that equal to or above everything else. Instead of connecting with the person they are that person is connecting with the fact that they are asian.
Something I believe very strongly is that our ideas of beauty and attraction follow our values. People who are only into Asians have reasons for that. For some people it is that they are of the same culture as them. For others it is because they see Asians as demure, submissive, and dutiful, or non-threatening. People don't "just like Asians" in a vacuum. There are always other reasons supporting that worldview. Nobody is going to constrict their dating pool without good reason.
Race in particular is a sensitive subject. There is danger in someone fetishizing race. Its a highly socially constructed category. When someone is exclusively attracted to Asians it probably means they are projecting racist stereotypes onto them.
Another point of evidence is the experience of fetishized people. In the trans community we call them chasers. Generally speaking, when a trans person dates a chaser, it doesn't go well. When a trans person hooks up with one the sex isn't as good. People who are hyperfocused on peoples bodies and social category/standing generally don't really fuck, and generally aren't very cool. Its best to avoid them.
When you don't allow yourself to connect with people based on themselves your connections will be shallow and stunted. This can create a downward spiral where you forget what its like to connect with people outside of your fetishes. This can fuel things like porn addiction and rape culture.
For my cousin, she just liked Koren facial features. Nothing really deeper about thier culture. She would have loved a kpop looking dude who happen to line up with her beliefs and her babies to have that look. I don't think she needs any other reason to limit her pool.
People focusing on perception of their culture for chosing a partner always seem to be creeps. Could be a bias but I keep seeing that fail to no shock of my own.
Thats how everyone with a fetish describes it. "I'm just into x." It almost always sounds innocuous when they describe it. But, in her case she could just like cheekbones, clean shave, soft skin, thick straight hair, feminine features. Thats fine, it would also describe a lot of non-korean men. Especially Japanese and Chinese men. A lot of non-asian men too. I know white guys who fit the description I just laid out. Lot of native guys and latinos too. Their line of weirdness is based on, is it Korean specifically, or features more generally. Similar to fetishizing black women versus wanting a full, feminine figure.
We agree there. Using nationality/ethnicity as a replacement for personality is entirely misguided.