how tf do i call out of work. i never do this shit and i'm always terrified of doing it. i hate my job and would much rather do the thing with my friends tomorrow but i'm a terrible liar and have a deep seated need to be seen as doing good, even by my fucking b*ss. does anyone have any tips for how to do it?
There are TWO and only TWO options.
One is not explaining. Just say "I'm feeling sick and won't be making it in" Most will not pry.
If they're the type of people to pry, just say "I can't make it in, I think I caught a stomach bug"
That's it. There is no "mental health day", you don't have that chronic disease, you don't have a bad headache, you aren't staying home for your own comfort. You, my friend, are shidding out your doo doo ass. That is the only thing you will EVER imply to your work. Vomiting and farding and shidding. No one will ask. No one will try to get you to come in.
Yeah, if they try to push more, implying diarrhea almost always stops the discussion right then and there.