As it stands now, this community serves mostly as a way to get money. That isn't a bad thing, but cash is not a 1-size-fits-all solution to every problem. Taking care of a persons needs is always priority #1, but at times, said person is unfit to handle money in a way that reliably alleviates those needs. Traditional, local, mutual-aid networks can usually address this in the form of community pot lucks, clothing exchange, etc. Here we are more or less limited to advice and more money.

Making a rule about unsolicited advice and being critical of users, limits us to just money as a tool to solve problems. Sometimes people need a tough conversation to grow as a person, sometimes people need to be reminded of the situation they are in. Yes, the capitalist system is oppressive. Yes, there are systemic issues that prevent us all from succeeding. That doesn't mean there is no situation where decision making is a factor. Sometimes, you do actually need help making better choices. This isn't to shame people for making bad decisions, sometimes there are psychiatric reasons, sometimes they genuinely don't know any better, but you still should speak up so they can potentially correct the problem and learn.

This rule effectively creates a hug-box where we all pretend that personal responsibility doesn't exist, that there is simply nothing to be done. It's incredibly infantile, it's a cope, and the people in this community deserve better than that.

EDIT: I feel I may have had a change of heart after reading the comments left by @EelBolshevikism If you are looking for a somewhat comprehensive response, those comments are likely a good starting point.

  • cosecantphi [he/him]
    ·
    edit-2
    6 days ago

    The solution to any person you think is abusing this community is to point it out to a Hexbear admin or moderator. I assure you they are active, even on this comm, and have thought long and hard about the rules, they just do not make their presence known as much as they did historically on Hexbear. If they disagree, feel free to point it out in a post, but after the community consensus lands on no harm done? At that point is where the solution to said problem user being distasteful for you is to donate to something else and block the comm for a while. It is not your problem, nor does it become your problem because the few bucks you sent them didn't totally transform their life. It's also not your problem if others disagree and continue to help, it's all confined to this comm, no one who doesn't want to see this has to see it.

    Here's my personal experience as a person who fortunately received money during crisis from comrades on this comm:

    The first time was after I had to turn down a scab job offer while running out of money. I was on the verge of homelessness at that point, and could no longer afford my Buprenorphine prescription, which my life and ability to function on a daily basis depends on. That was my first post in c/mutual_aid. My Hexbear account is four years old. I was there during the first three days of the site's existence and the entirety of the lifeboat discord before that. All under this account, which admittedly gives me an unfair advantage, but that novelty wears off quickly.

    I got 120 dollars within a day of posting, enough for a two month supply of Buprenorphine. Every single cent went to that. This was urgent for me, people with similar experiences donated money to me because they understand what this is like. They almost certainly looked over my post history, and that was enough for them to trust I'm not a scammer because Hexbear is still a small enough site that communities can form where most people recognize each other from their time spent browsing.

    I don't believe anyone would say that was problematic given I followed all the rules of this comm. That includes keeping all mutual_aid posts and discussion in c/mutual_aid. Since we can either sort by local or sort by all and block this community, no one who wants to think about this stuff need know who's even using the comm for help because they wouldn't have to see the posts made in their feed.

    Later on, I found I had my Buprenorphine all taken care of, but had no money for food that I could access. So I asked for $50 dollars for one to two weeks worth of groceries. By then my situation had started to stabilize and was on the up swing. I had luckily found a new job sooner than I had expected, but was flat broke and the first check was still weeks out. I just didn't have enough money for some basic self care and food, and that's the amount I thought would do me well for one to two weeks. I made a second post, but with less elaboration and detail on my situation, had a relaxed tone to show it wasn't urgent, and simply asked if anyone could help out. I only got twenty dollars, but there were more dire ongoing situations and spare money is finite. And that's also a fine outcome! They helped a comrade they related to with what money they could spare to that, it's no problem, it feels good to help people in hard situations. That was still very helpful!

    What I'm getting at is that for anyone on this comm that donates, it is an informed decision made because they have money to spare and another person needs it more. You don't do this to change someone with money you expect to lose because no one is perfect. You already knew it wouldn't be enough to permanently change their situation, so how can you, a person who has never met them give criticism about their spending via this narrow look into their life? And for that same reason, why do you believe any of your criticism is applicable to their problems just because you sent them a few bucks and read a few of their posts? You ultimately still do not owe them anything, nor do they owe you anything. The relationship between aid giver and receiver is never transactional. You can't just toss people out of this community because you imposed on them some will to change their lives after sending them any amount of money discussed here.

    On the other end of things, donating to someone on c/mutual_aid cannot be enabling as it is typically understood. The rules of this comm enforce a boundary in that no one can make or discuss these mutual aid requests outside of this comm. Which means there is a very easy means of setting boundaries preventing two people from forming toxic relationships involving donations and expectations of behavior. Just giving money to a grown adult known to have a drug problem cannot be considered enabling because regardless of their addiction, they need money to merely exist! If you stop giving them money, they do not necessarily stop using drugs, they find money elsewhere because they also need it to eat, find shelter, and take care of their other basic needs. Can your small donation make them quit their vices? No? Don't be surprised if they use some or all of it for their vices. Enabling requires the presence of the type of a relationship precluded by the way the rules are enforced on this comm.

    None of this changes just because the dollar amount is in the low thousands. That was a single donation made by someone who clearly had money to spare. You can not know what any of that actually entailed, and you are projecting paranoia onto this comm as a result.

    So ultimately I have to say: downbear

    • Alaskaball [comrade/them]
      ·
      6 days ago

      is to point it out to a Hexbear admin or moderator. I assure you they are active, even on this comm, and have thought long and hard about the rules, they just do not make their presence known as much as they did historically on Hexbear.

      There is a lot of discussion going on right now. That's all I'm gonna say about it.

      Also while I'm gonna encourage the use of the report button to bring matters to our attention, please don't use it as an "I disagree button"

      • cosecantphi [he/him]
        ·
        6 days ago

        Also while I'm gonna encourage the use of the report button to bring matters to our attention, please don't use it as an "I disagree button"

        Definitely! I hope nothing in my comment implied I meant to imply I recommend that, could you elaborate on what part of my comment you're responding to?

        • Alaskaball [comrade/them]
          ·
          6 days ago

          it's just a general comment to everyone. I think the only exception to it - on the comms I'm on that is, don't do this to anyone else - is hitting the report button to share a funny bit or crafting an elaborate prank to get one-up on the mods.

          • EmmaGoldman [she/her, comrade/them]M
            ·
            6 days ago

            For the record, I'm also okay with sharing a funny bit or tagline request on communities I moderate.

            Also in agreement, the report button shouldn't be for letting us know you spilled your jice or in place of a downbear.

          • cosecantphi [he/him]
            ·
            6 days ago

            Oh ok! I just thought it might have in response to me directly since its in reply to the start of my big comment.

    • EelBolshevikism [none/use name]
      ·
      edit-2
      6 days ago

      Yeah, there's a huge difference between judging someone for making bad financial decisions, and choosing to donate to a different person because you know your money won't make a dent due to their spending, or because you know/they said it's low priority