I have schizophrenia, a condition that fights itself being treated. I do pretty well on the meds. I'm pretty happy on the meds. But I still want to just abandon them and go all the way into being an addict until death. Part of me just doesn't want to do well. No matter how solid the solid becomes, I feel this deep need for these massive good and bad swings. I don't just need the highs of the psychotic mania, I need the lows too. A part of me wants to eat my hand again.

I've gone about a week without my anti-psychotic. I'm kinda split on whether or not I should take it tonight. I know this may seem like too much, but please convince me to take my meds