Regardless, I waltzed into a China mobile shop and not only did they just give me sim card, they even let me pick my phone number. Sadly there were none with 1701 in, which would have been awesome.
The lies I've heard about this country are just stacked one atop another. Next step is to open a Chinese bank account because apparently I'm not allowed to do that either.
No way you can get a bank account. Your social credit score is far too low. I don't even believe you're allowed to leave your room.