Not for a lack of trying, I assure you. It's just that no matter how hard I try, my mind won't accept it.
The thought of life and existence being ultimately meaningless (Something else my mind fights against, despite knowing it's true) is too much of a blow to my psyche to overcome and look at light-heartedly.
I'm just so desperate to have a purpose and meaning in my life, but at the same time I can't sincerely believe in any religion or afterlife. I try to "live in the moment" and "be happy and make others happy", but it just isn't enough. I need something more.
Edit: Thank you everyone for their responses so far, I do read them all. They give me something to ponder and think about, maybe even leading to a solution.
to me absurdism isn't so much about looking at existential meaningless light-heartedly as it is about reconciling with the notion of it—by spitting in the face of the universe's cruel indifference and arbitrarily inventing personal meaning.
it's like aiming to live a life that you alone feel is purposeful just because you can, in spite of the will of any higher power or lack thereof that tries to rob you of it.
i haven't really considered that interpretation of it but that does sound very based