I can't help but think that a lot of resentment from guys who aren't getting laid comes from society's notion that if you can't or don't get sex, it means you're a lesser human being and that makes it okay for others to hurt you. In that position, I could easily see a man resenting women as the gatekeepers of his full humanity, and that by not having sex with him, they're depriving him of it. It's very similar to some angry thoughts I had when I was younger, and in a worse timeline it's entirely possible I could've fully plunged into that same cesspit.

That isn't to justify any of the awful shit that incels say and do, of course - many reactionaries lay blame in the wrong place for very real problems they face - but I feel there has to be a connection there.

  • PKMKII [none/use name]
    ·
    3 months ago

    There’s a weird contradiction with virginity of both being fetishized and mocked. Good, pious individuals stay chaste and wait until marriage, but also you’re a loser if you hit your twenties and still haven’t gotten laid. There’s an impossible standard to meet so yeah, I can see why it’s an attractive notion to blame some Other, that the double standard would be obtainable if not for them.

    • ashinadash [she/her]
      ·
      3 months ago

      Good, pious individuals stay chaste and wait until marriage,

      For women

      you’re a loser if you hit your twenties and still haven’t gotten laid

      For men

      System functioning as intended.

      • UlyssesT
        ·
        10 days ago

        deleted by creator

          • UlyssesT
            ·
            10 days ago

            deleted by creator

            • BeamBrain [he/him]
              ·
              3 months ago

              simping

              It's one of those insults that reveals the inner ugliness of the person who uses it. "Oh, you're being decent to a woman? You must be after sex, because I can't imagine any other possible motivation for doing such a thing!"

            • mathemachristian [he/him]
              ·
              3 months ago

              No. It took me a very long time to figure out how I could "defile" someone I loved. The answer of course was to reject the framing, but that was a tough nut to crack as teen/tween. After that I still had to unprogram a lot of misogyny before I was able to start dating.

        • heggs_bayer [none/use name]
          ·
          3 months ago

          smuglordAh, but have you considered that a key that opens many locks is a good key, but a lock that gets opened by many keys is a bad lock?very-intelligent

          • UlyssesT
            ·
            10 days ago

            deleted by creator

      • PKMKII [none/use name]
        ·
        3 months ago

        Yeah that’s where the impossible standard comes in. Outwardly it’s a gender neutral policy but in practice it’s only for women, so young men get left with cognitive dissonance on it.

    • keepcarrot [she/her]
      ·
      3 months ago

      The value of virginity probably changes depending on the gender, but even in spaces where men are explicitly told its cool and good to "wait for marriage" it's still important to be seen as being able to get some (and judging by the frequency of youth pregnancies at those sorts of churches...) even if you outwardly are not having sex

    • bigboopballs [he/him]
      ·
      3 months ago

      but also you’re a loser if you hit your twenties and still haven’t gotten laid.

      what about your mid 30's? agony-deep