I can't help but think that a lot of resentment from guys who aren't getting laid comes from society's notion that if you can't or don't get sex, it means you're a lesser human being and that makes it okay for others to hurt you. In that position, I could easily see a man resenting women as the gatekeepers of his full humanity, and that by not having sex with him, they're depriving him of it. It's very similar to some angry thoughts I had when I was younger, and in a worse timeline it's entirely possible I could've fully plunged into that same cesspit.
That isn't to justify any of the awful shit that incels say and do, of course - many reactionaries lay blame in the wrong place for very real problems they face - but I feel there has to be a connection there.
One of the things that incels are (rightly) criticized for is their attitude that they deserve sex, the sense of entitlement. But let's face it, that attitude is not remotely unique to incels, in fact it's kind of become the norm in Western society. Plenty of sex-havers feel entitled to sex too but it's seen as less of a problem because well, they have sex. Mainstream culture teaches us from an alarmingly young age to stake our self-worth on our ability to get laid, to an incredibly unhealthy degree.
I think about movies like American Pie and Superbad which reinforce this idea that if you don't lose your virginity before reaching adulthood then you must be some kind of loser. There's something deeply unsettling to me about media, created by adults, shaming children for not having sex.
On this topic, I don't really like how "incel" has become synonymous with "misogynist" - yes, incels are misogynists but I'm sorry to say, plenty of misogynists get laid. The majority of violence against women comes from men who are in relationships. I want to reiterate that this is in no way a defense of incels, many of whom at least fantasize about hurting women, or have done so. But I think it's a mistake to blame some fringe group of internet losers for a problem that is so much larger than them. Incels have become this convenient scapegoat for misogyny and patriarchy at large.
Whenever a guy says or does something misogynist it has become a generic insult to call him an "incel", regardless of whether he actually is or not. It's an immature retort which basically amounts to "yeah, well I bet you don't get pussy, loser".
On this topic, I don't really like how "incel" has become synonymous with "misogynist" - yes, incels are misogynists but I'm sorry to say, plenty of misogynists get laid.
It also frames sex as being the rightful reward for meeting the bare minimum standards of being a decent human being, a view shared by... incels.
Which on the face of it is also untrue; plenty of abusive assholes are in intimate relationships. Incels don't meet any other standard either though
I do think it's a mistake to assign the label by association to all lonely or romantically frustrated people
agree, I only say "incel" to mean specifically the assholes who post on incel forums and who hate women. but to some people it simply means "virgin" and to others it means "misogynist". the term is so over-saturated in culture now that it's hard to have an honest conversation about it
There’s a weird contradiction with virginity of both being fetishized and mocked. Good, pious individuals stay chaste and wait until marriage, but also you’re a loser if you hit your twenties and still haven’t gotten laid. There’s an impossible standard to meet so yeah, I can see why it’s an attractive notion to blame some Other, that the double standard would be obtainable if not for them.
Good, pious individuals stay chaste and wait until marriage,
For women
you’re a loser if you hit your twenties and still haven’t gotten laid
For men
System functioning as intended.
simping
It's one of those insults that reveals the inner ugliness of the person who uses it. "Oh, you're being decent to a woman? You must be after sex, because I can't imagine any other possible motivation for doing such a thing!"
No. It took me a very long time to figure out how I could "defile" someone I loved. The answer of course was to reject the framing, but that was a tough nut to crack as teen/tween. After that I still had to unprogram a lot of misogyny before I was able to start dating.
Ah, but have you considered that a key that opens many locks is a good key, but a lock that gets opened by many keys is a bad lock?
Yeah that’s where the impossible standard comes in. Outwardly it’s a gender neutral policy but in practice it’s only for women, so young men get left with cognitive dissonance on it.
The value of virginity probably changes depending on the gender, but even in spaces where men are explicitly told its cool and good to "wait for marriage" it's still important to be seen as being able to get some (and judging by the frequency of youth pregnancies at those sorts of churches...) even if you outwardly are not having sex
but also you’re a loser if you hit your twenties and still haven’t gotten laid.
what about your mid 30's?
This is absolutely the root of it. It's not feee-males
it's patriarchyMuch like reactionaries experience the same material conditions as us and go "must be the minorities fault"
- fucking grim
brainrot shit
Also cannot help but see the parallels with that shit and 4chan trans communities where they measure obscure bones to diagnose their gender or w/e and spiral
Who is Tabby but yeah tbh. Sucks all the more when someone who makes genuinely salient points starts licking Clinton-flavoured boot.
So fuckin glad I have no idea what this shit is, sounds like chuds making leftists just look too based again. Tabby did nothing wrong.
