I recently got prescribed aderall after explaining to my psychiatrist that I wanted a longer lasting stimulant rather than a short burst type. I’m on a somewhat large dose of Quitiapine that I take at night but I still feel the effects throughout the day which is extreme lethargy, I was always bed bound and because of this I felt more depressed as I didn’t accomplish much I would sleep around twelve hours and then stay in bed for the remainder of that day. After reporting this to my psychiatrist he put me on Ritalin and that really turned things around for me, at least for the first week. It had been the first time in about two months that I would shower everyday and go out, I went outside with a boost in my confidence, I even started taking my camera out after three years not touching it, I wore my hair long which I feel self conscious about but it didn’t matter because I felt pride in myself for the first time. The first few days were some of the best days I’ve had in my life in a long time and I was feeling very optimistic about my mental wellbeing and feeling like I was finally overcoming my conditions, but then I ran out of Ritalin and my doctor didn’t prescribe me any more, I guess because I didn’t ask but I think he was being more cautious considering I’m on an assortment of meds already and it was apparent that Ritalin changed me so much that he didn’t want me to acquire a dependence to it.

Ritalin wasn’t perfect though and I had a very alarming experience with the final few doses, when the medicine peaked it was great and I felt good but then when an hour passed I could feel normalcy creeping in and then a huge wave of lethargy that I can’t describe. It was almost like the medication was doing the opposite, or maybe it wasn’t the medication or a reaction to the others, whatever it was I was fairly concerned. Breathing felt hard and I couldn’t really move, I could if I really tried to but my heart rate was extremely low and I literally felt like I was kinda dying. I wasn’t dying obviously but I felt like that’s what it must feel before death where your body’s functions slowly expire one after the other. The labored breathing troubled me the most because it was kind of hard to catch breath, I was somewhat close to maybe calling an ambulance but I’ve been in situations in the past where I’ve called them over medication and I don’t want to feel the embarrassment or waste resources just over something temporary. I rode it out and after about four hours I was back to normal.

I told my psychiatrist that I was concerned with the effects and maybe I could try another type, he then asked if I would like to try aderall and I was all for it. This shit is no joke, I don’t feel the same concentration as I did with Ritalin but I am for the lack of better words, extremely wired when on it. For the past 48 hours I’ve had maybe 4 hours sleep and I’m not even phased by it, I am concerned as sleep is essential and my muscles ache but I don’t feel tired at all. I expect this to slowly subside the more I take it but I don’t exactly know how I feel about it. I’ve been needing clothes so I just impulse bought a few hundreds worth of new outfits, I have that confidence back but it isn’t exactly the same as it was on Ritalin, it’s almost like I have a clear vision of what to do to make my life better, but I don’t want to commit- except when it comes to buying clothes. On Ritalin I regained the passion I had for my previous interests but on aderall, I don’t really have that yet. It’s only been three days and even though I’ve been advised to take twenty mg I am sticking to ten because I don’t know what the fuck that would do to me.

I’m mostly concerned about my sleep but I guess a simple fix is breathing or taking melatonin, the good thing is it is helping counteract the quetiapine but the drug is almost working too well for an extreme duration of time. I take it in the morning and I only get to sleep at around 6am and then wake up in a few hours and I’m not feeling tired at all. Since this is just a trial I suppose I will stick it out and then see if it helps me more. Currently I rate it a 5/10 solely for the fact it gives me perspective on the things I should be doing. Impulse buying is bad, but it was necessary. Aderall kind of scares me to be honest it just feels so potent. If ritalin lasted the length aderall did I would be happy but it doesn’t. I don’t know how to feel about aderall but I guess from the amount I’ve rambled in this post it’s evident of the fact it kinda works.