Think I've got Havana syndrome.
No but seriously - the state of the world right now - feels like every contradiction inherent to capitalism has erupted in the past few days.
Climate. Imperialism. 'Democracy'. Media bullshit.
Maybe my life's personal stress is compounding it at the moment too, but fuck me. I am so mad at the moment.
I find myself typing like a milennial cringelord, my replies filled with 'fuck shit assfucker fucking come at me shitfucker' type posts. I find myself not bothered to put effort into responses when a rage filled uppunctuated mess feels so right.
I often tell people not the mald. It's easy to get stirred up about online crap. I recognised this habit, this feeling of enjoying being mad, but in an unproductive way, and I stopped doing it. I never do it with singular issues anymore. I don't get into internet debates. I let it ride.
But these last few days? Its making me insane. It's one thing to recognise it going down. It's another thing for society to make me feel like IM the one that's overreacting.
And to think, I voted for Kier fucking Starmer.
And next election, I'll be forced to do the same so that Tories don't get in. And I know, electoralism is a sham, but I don't think people comprehend just how bad Tories have been for Britain in the last 20 years. Especially for my sector. I do find Labour - even Starmer's Labour - a lot better in quite a few ways. But on key issues? I fucking hate them. I hate them with all my bile. Maybe I need to just move to Corbyn's borough so I can make sure he stomps some ghoul again.
Anyway. I'm fine.
But as I sit here anticipating the new wave of absolute garbage propaganda I'm going to be fed over the coming weeks, a vignette from a Chinese movie called A Touch Of Sin comes to mind, based on real events.
Dahai's corrupt boss screws him.
Over and over. [SPOILERS] So he shoots him.
He also shoots some guy who is abusing a horse. And some other relatively innocent bystanders.
Anyway. I don't mean this as a call to adventurism. I would never kill my local politician or anything, not only because my life so far means I would find it very difficult to take another human life, but also because it is totally counter productive. But as a concept? As a piece of art on screen? The ultimate expression of a 'dog-eat-dog' world turned towards those who like it that way, is certainly satisfying to watch. As are many tales of vigilante justice.
Anyway, here's another still:
I think the stills could be great emotes if it wasn't so on the nose to interpret uncharitably. Undoubtedly goes hard.
Oh, 100%, but I just constantly reference the Baldwin quote. Every morning, I wake up in a nation hostile to my very existence, moreso because I escaped both the pipelines intended for me, and have to trudge through a day where I'm not getting paid enough to save to leave, and have to live through crackers trying to deny every last bit of the parts of my existence that contribute to why I despise this society and those who run defense for it with every iota of my being.
No, it's totally not that they thumb their noses and actively uplift a systemic bias against my people, I'm just lazy. No, it's totally not that I have to hear about a pig killing another Black man, woman, or child literally every other week, I just have too much empathy for criminals. Speaking of criminals, no, it's totally not that Amerika is still a slave state and every person who's ever backed a "tough on crime" candidate is an overseer in that slave state; I'm just being dramatic.
To be Black and relatively conscious in this nation is not to be in a state of rage anymore; props and love to Brother Baldwin. To be Black and even close to conscious is to be in a state of tacit, lucid fury, almost all of the time-- because rage is too unfocused, and too much of a liability in this day and age. The crackers are watching, waiting for you to slip up. It must be tranquil, lucid fury.