What I mean is that I have ADHD, I got diagnosed this summer, but sometimes I feel like I don't have ADHD in the right way. I struggl with ADHD a lot, and it really affects me, but for some reason I feel like I'm using it as an excuse or faking my symptoms. Even though I know I'm not?
ADHD affects me very negatively and it makes being in college way, way harder for me than other people. But hyperactivity is less of a symptom for me than other ADHDers (but still a thing), so i feel like im faking my condition.
Like, I have an official, medical diagnosis. Nobody thinks I'm playing up or faking my symptoms. So then why the hell do I get like this?
Also I very likely have autism but diagnosis is very expensive so that's another issue
My clinical major depression and anxiety has me like this always.
If I feel ok for a while, I'm second guessing being depressed at all. If I feel an episode coming on, sometimes I lean into it and make bad choices to increase my depression, to prove to myself I'm not faking. Especially if I can feel myself being able to work out of a depression earlier than usual or stop it from getting as bad as or could.
The depressive episode/self destruction combo is so familiar Holy shit. Hang in there, comrade.
It's truly incredible how well it feeds off of itself and can creep into any facet of life at any time it feels like. It's exhausting to have to watch out for it and take that much care of your mental health.
Thanks, you too comrade